If you could go back would you? (please comment answering)

Hi,

I just got back from a little trip home for the holiday. It was very nice because I am sure that you wanted to know.

I had very limited Internet access, thus I haven't been able to get on here and read others blogs, or look at facebook (yes I facebook a lot).

I had a great trip in regards to seeing my friends. I saw all except for a few, two in particular stick out and I hope I will be able to see them over winter break.

I came back to campus today. I was a little cranky, mostly because I had to go back after being with my friends and family. It just seemed like a cruel trick. To allow us to go home for four days, start to get comfortable, and then just rip us away. To rip us from a world of love and fun, a world of carelessness, and force us back into a world of books, computers, classes, studying, a cold world. How can this cruelty be born?

I want to be little again. No I want to be 16, just after I got my license. There are so many things I would do differently because I know the outcomes now. I want to go to school with all of my friends and see them everyday. I want to be able to just drive around, and have gas prices be under 2.50 again. I want to be falling again for a boy who I should never have fallen for. I want my friends to tell me it is a bad idea and it will hurt like a bitch, but I still do it anyway. I want to watch a movie at one of my best friends house and lie there just the three of us our legs tangled but still completely comfortable.

I want to feel the hug of the familiar. I want to see my best friends everyday, and not only tell them the big things, but all the little stupid shit I did. I want to drive through a blizzard with my two best friends and see a stupid little green light. I want to drive and have it seem like there will be no end to the driving and have it feel great. To just drive with your best friend, snacks and a ton of great music.

I would do it all over again. All of it. Including the surgery, and the finding out that one of the guys I dated only wanted one thing. All of it. I want that feeling back. I don't know what it is because I am not good with feelings. I was different then.

Is it high school that was supposed to be the best years of your life? or is it college? or both?

I am having fun at college, don't get me wrong, but it is way more formal then what I am used to. I know that it is because I have only been living with these girls for a few months, and that really can't compare to the years I have spent with my friends.

Please don't get me wrong, I love the girls I room with. They are very nice. When we watch a movie it is all of us in respective spots. Its quite and not mocking the movie. There is very little commentary on what things remind us of. When they laugh at little things I don't know what they are laughing about.

If we were smart we would pick friends who wanted the same things as us when we are little, that way we don't have to leave them.

I love my friends and I know that no distance will ever separate us at heart, but it does still hurt.

It is what it is, right?

Ta Ta

P.S. you can have my strawberry or grape anytime you want. Just ask, no trade required. I will send it to the second star to the left and straight on until morning.