Ivory Foo and Moo Goo

Hello,

Well first things first I should rant about giving blood. I promised I would.

I gave blood the other day. This is something I do on a regular basis. I actually, normally, enjoy it. I went with a few friends, so we kind of made it an outing. After checking in, and slipping my name into the drawing for a door prise I read the required material. Okay. I didn't. I never do, but really who does? I read it the first time I went and now I just skim for new info and then check to make sure that the medications I am taking don't conflict. Then it is onto waiting to go to get questioned and poked.

I finally get in there. I hate the finger poke.It is normally the worst part. For those of you who don't know, they stick your finger with a pin or something, they really have a device that does it, so that your bleed. They then collect some blood and test your iron levels. Mine are always extremely high, but I guess that is a good thing. They are supposed to wipe off your finger and put a band aid on it for you, but this time I was just handed gauze and a band aid and left alone. I found it rude, but I took care of my bleeding finger by myself, really no big deal.

They lady comes back and then sets me up for the questions. Again, for those of you who don't know there is a series of uncomfortable questions, most of which are pertaining to your and your partner's sexual history and travel. There should be an easy skip question that simply asks if you have ever had sex. Then people could click no or yes. No would skip all of those questions and then there would only be like 4 questions left. Yes would take you into that series of questions. Oh well.

I was then ushered into a waiting chair. None of my friends were out there so I was sitting next to a kindly retired lady, who really enjoyed laughing. She got up and left, and in her place came a very dirty and foul smelling woman. After a little bit they asked who was next and I let that lady go so as not to force my friends to sit next to her.

Then I was seated on a table and my friends were seated on ones very close to me. The nurse who was taking care of myself and a friend asked what arm I would like to give blood out of. This has never really mattered to me so I let her know this. She then said we would do the right arm since the table was already set up like that. I said that sounded good and she started to get things ready. She then poked around on my arm trying to find a vein, this was done with very hard almost bruising pokes for a long time but finally she found one and marked it.

Then it was on with the pressure cuff and I was instructed to squeeze this stress ball. The nurse then, without warning stuck the needle in.

As an aside here I can't watch a needle go into my body. I just can't. It doesn't seem right. I can watch one go into anyone else, including good friends and family members, but not me. Thus I have never actually seen the needle they use to draw blood. MY GOD! that thing is huge!

When I saw this needle coming at me, I did what I would naturally do. This didn't include flinching or moving, this was to exclaim how large the needle was and then watch it slip into my skin without flinching.

This needle being plunged into my skin yielded no blood. Thus she had not, more than likely, hit a vein. This yielded a search for the vein. It was a very painful search. She was digging around and turning the needle. It wasn't pleasant. This was amplified by the fact that the pressure cuff was still on and my hand was going numb. When I told her this she let the pressure out and blood flowed into my hand and not the intended bag. The nurse pumped up the pressure again and continued the search. I admired her dedication, but was pissed that it included digging into my body with a large needle. My hand and wrist went numb and I again told her. This was after about a total 15 min. looking for the vein. While the blood returned the nurse called over the head nurse. The pressure was applied again, and they both searched for a vein. Lets just say I was a little ticked off now.

After about another 5 min, they pronounced it a lost cause. They then asked if I would like to try the other arm and I consented. They quickly found the middle vein and as soon as they stuck my arm blood rushed into the bag. This wouldn't have been a bad thing if I hadn't, two min. into the search asked if they would like to try my other arm. She for some reason refused.

They assured me that my right arm wouldn't bruise, seeing as you need blood for a bruise and I hadn't bleed. I knew this was bull shit because I have been hit a time or two with a tennis ball, and there has been no blood shed, but I did bruise. Later that day my entire inner elbow was a bright purple. I recover very quickly from bruises and now you can hardly see it.

I did win the door praise though. Yes for all that pain I was rewarded with a pretty small tote bag with the words American Red Cross on the side. A very poor trade off indeed.


Anyway, I just finished eating Chinese, watching half an episode of Monk, watching Sweeney Todd, then having Ike drive me back home in my car.

Ike. What a great guy. I think the world of him, and it is much deserved. I miss him when I am at college. It's the random things that bring up his name. He is leaving tomorrow. Strike that, today. It feels like the last of my close friends have gone back and I am left here, alone. It is two days and I am sure I will survive. Many people over this break have asked me why I don't date Ike. This is my response (Golds pay attention): Our relationship isn't like that. The end. If you can't understand that, then think of your best guy friend, and you should understand. I love him, just not in that way.

In an unrelated note: Sweeney Todd. Very disturbing movie. Very well done, with an excellent cast (though I find myself thinking of a lot of the characters as who they played in the Harry Potter series). Not much else to say except that if it wasn't for the singing the whole thing would be a gore fest. Though all the blood was extremely fake, so it wasn't too bad. And the disclaimer in the credits that movie was not based on a true story and any portrayal of real events or people was unintentional does make the whole thing complete.

I was sitting in my car, in the passenger seat, as Ike drove. I had a moment, as they say. It is hard to describe such things but I will try. The street lights stretched ahead and there wasn't another car on the road. It was just me and Ike, driving and talking. It was about midnight when this happened. For some reason it was the lights that got me. They were the same. I am sure that at some point I was driving the same stretch of road at night only I was younger. I am not one for deja vu moments. I have never really felt deja vu or maybe I am just not weirded out by them. So please don't impose your feelings of deja vu into this story. I get a sense of continuity and change all at the same time.

This town hasn't changed. Some may think it have, and those of us who are really returning for the first time like to think that the town was greatly effected by our leaving. It wasn't. It's just as it always is. The senior class graduates, leaves for college and a chance at greatness, and a new senior class is put into place with their own dreams. We are just part of the consistency. This town doesn't change. The politics don't change. We as individuals do, but in the end that really doesn't affect the town, just us and our perceptions.

My brother wanted to leave this town as fast as he could. I can understand that. There is little to do here. I, however, wasn't so ready. I am naturally hesitant. I wasn't ready to leave the world I had always known. Driving down that street felt right. This place hasn't changed. I have, but I still like it here. I have always loved this town, I always will. This is small town America, this is the life that TV shows want to show, but they never capture it. Small towns have clarity.

I butchered that explanation. Sorry.

Ta Ta

Hi ,

I am thinking right now. Really I am thinking about a lot of things. It's midnight and I am simply sitting on my bed thinking. Sometimes I just have to write (or type) to get my ideas organized. So who knows if I will ever post this.

I had a weird day. I did a surprising amount of stuff for a vacation day for me. I got up and got ready and went to the elementary school that I used to help out at. I visited with the teacher that I helped for a bit. That was strange, but over all nice. Got me to thinking that I need to call my old guidance counselor and see if she would like to go to lunch.

I then went home and Cari came over. My head is so random and incomplete around her, but some how I still feel at ease completely around her. We cooked some food and talked. Then we watched a really long movie that I knew she wouldn't like, but has awesome cinematography and is a movie that pretty much everyone should see at least once. It is better your second time through.

Then it was off to decathlon practice, where I helped them out with studying B cells and T cells. Some war analogies later and two phone calls from sir Ike, I was on my way back home. It was nice being with the team, even though I don't know most of them now. Still the atmosphere there is amazing and makes me feel at home because at some points it was the only thing that was regular and structured without being confining.

Then home where I was joined by Ike. I showed him a book and we both fiddled around on our computers, along with talking. Then the two of us went to eat some Chinese. I love riding with Ike. He has great music and videos, plus I feel completely safe with him. Then home again where he did some hacking and I fiddled around on the computer, and then made hot chocolate when he was getting upset. Then forced him to watch a youtube video that he needed to see.

I then ditched him for a movie with Cari. I really just left him sitting in my room while I drove away. Great movie though. I really enjoyed it. That and having the whole movie theater to ourselves was great. We talked and laughed and watched the movie. I miss Cari too much when I am away at school. I forget what it means to have a person who gets you so completely, who can laugh at you and no part of you is offended, who knows all of your flaws and loves you anyway, who knows all of your secrets and all of your past and still doesn't judge you. I'm not sure if she always wants to be my best friend but the fact is I love her, no p.s.

For some reason that helped. Just to write what I did helped. Maybe it is the structure of it all. I am still feeling a little like I did before, and that is defeated. I don't always know what I want, and that really hits me when I spend the day with people who really know me. I was doing such a great job of faking it. One day I will know and follow through and be happy. That is all I want. Is that possible?

Ta Ta