DMV

Hi again,

Lets talk about the DMV shall we? or at least the renewal of ones drivers license. I arrived home this break to an application for drivers license renewal. Oh well knew it was coming and all. Didn't know I would have to pay $34 to get this new license. I have never used my old one, which I paid $25 for. So now I must, by law either purchase a shiny new three inch plastic card that has no real value and I will never get any use out of, or not drive. Somebody explain this. Don't I get a donor discount or something?

Also the new cards are vertical. That upsets me. I have had a horizontal one since I got my license, I want to keep it that way. I think that the new vertical ones are ugly, and an attempt to fit in because other states are doing it too. Well Wisconsin, just because Minnesota jumped off a bridge in to one of their lakes, doesn't mean we have to jump into a barrel of beer. Mainly I am pissed about this because my wallet is horizontal. I know this because their is an M on the front, thus it has a field orientation. I don't want my license to look strange in my wallet, but I have had this wallet since my temps (as can be seen from the temps sitting behind my license because I was too lazy to take it out). So I have had this wallet for over three years, it is still good and I would like to keep it, but this new vertical license is threatening to screw it all up. Blah!!

So on the application, most of my information is filled in. This includes my date of birth, sex, race, eye color, hair color, weight, height, drivers license number, and my address. Well okay, while my date of birth, sex, race, and eye color are not likely to have changed, my weight and height might have. In over two years, half of one being at college, I will of course not gained or lost any weight or grown an inch, or died my hair. These are all very uncommon things that the average American 16 to 19 year old would more than likely not do, except for the few rebellious ones and they are so crazy they shouldn't be driving anyway. The few blanks that I must fill in are my social security number (which could be gotten by knowing my license number, so why not just go ahead and fill that in?), and weather of not I want to be an organ donor (the answer is yes) and if i wish to have my name removed from the lists that they sell, and if I am a citizen of the US or not. If I was two years ago, I think I am now. I don't think, since I haven't moved, that my citizenship has run out. Also they would like to know if my operating privileges have been cancelled or disqualified. Do they really send renewal forms to people who have had their licenses taken away? And if they do why? They want to know if I have had a loss of consciousness or muscle control in the past year due to any of eight listed conditions. A) lets extend that to five years shall we? just to be on the safe side, but that's just how I roll and B) can we please have an other box because I am sure their are more than eight conditions that can cause this that would be equally hazardous to driving and C) shouldn't a yes or no be sufficient actually? and then an if yes please explain?

If you are looking for an upside to this rant here it is: I get a new picture, and this time I plan on looking good. Not that anyone really sees it, except for in an exchange of bad license photo story, but hey maybe now I can be in the good license photo story group. Oh well.

Ta Ta

A winters day with presents

Merry Christmas! (or whatever you happen to celebrate).

Today is supposed to be celebrated as a day of loving and giving. It has changed hasn't it?

Walk with me down memory lane....

When I was little I would wake up early, really early, almost ungodly early, like 4 am. I was so excited to see what I would get. My parents always set a time that my brother and I were allowed to wake them up and that was normally around 5:30. So my brother and I would get up and talk and guess as to what the presents were for an hour and a half. Then we would rush in waking up my parents and dragging them to the tree so that we could go through our stockings and open presents. We always had many more than out parents. Then my mom would make breakfast as we played with out new presents, none of which where practical. Then we would have pancakes and bacon and fresh fruit. Then we would spend all day playing and spending time with the family.

It really was nice. I know it must have been a lot of work for my parents, but it is something I look back on fondly.

It all changed as we started to get older. Now that my brother and I are both in college and we have to travel home for holidays it is harder to buy presents and let others know what you want. Let me walk you through this holiday.

I woke up around 9 and my brother woke up around 11. After finishing a movie we opened our presents. Mostly useful stuff as in a laptop bag and a cook book, I'm not complaining though. I really do appreciate that stuff. Also some sweaters. Then we went on to breakfast. I helped for a bit but mostly played sodoku. Then there was some down time where we helped set up our new computer. Then some more TV, and I straightened up my room a bit. Check my computer/email/facebook and then help make dinner. Now I am waiting for a bit to go to a movie with my mom. Oh times have changed but they are still nice.

Just thinking about it I guess so I decided to write about it.

Again Merry Christmas and if you aren't of the christian persuasion I hope you had a lovely winters day!

Ta Ta

almost there

Hello,

Well one more day left. No, strike that, I will be leaving here in 22 hours and in 26 hours I will be home! I need to be home. I only have one more final and then home. Surprisingly enough it's a writing final.

This past week has been finals week. It has been a little bit of hell. I don't mind the studying part. I just have trouble starting to study. I never seem to have the motivation. Then there is the part where I am not studying and have no homework and thus I have no life. I really have nothing to do.

Thus I have discovered games online that hold my interest until I can think of something better to do.

I don't have to do anything until about 2 tomorrow.

There are a few things left to pack though. Maybe I will pack in the morning, there are also things that I need to take down because a) a member of my family will be walking in here and b) the RAs do a walk through to check for that stuff. Though they know us so they won't look too closely.

So here is a list of stuff I have yet to pack:
-my make-up
-my perfumes and lotions
-my meds
-my iHome
-a picture that I drew that I am giving to my friend
-two books that I would enjoy reading over break
-my CDs and DVDs (many of which I have accumulated since being here)
-my ipod car stuff
-my ipod
-the gifts for people

I just want to be home.

I have a strange sense of Christmas movies. While I appreciate the ones that have a Christmas theme to them, I think of Christmas movies differently. Christmas movies to me are ones that I always watch around Christmas. They really have nothing to do with Christmas, but I really only watch them at that time.

My Christmas movies are The Wizard of Oz and The Sound of Music. There are normally a few other classics that I watch but really those are the two I need to see for Christmas to be near.

It doesn't feel like Christmas is anywhere near. I think it is because I am away at college and there really are no preparations for it and really the thing I have been focused on has been finals. So now I will go home and be thrust into Christmas spirit.

I think it will be a culture shock going home. I am used to one way of living now, and it is much different from the one at home. Now I must go home for a month and learn how to live there and then come back to college and readjust. Oh well I think I will be ok since I have 18 years of experience living with my family, so really it will just be slight adjustments to make and remember.

I think break will go by to fast at first and then it will be to slow. I will be happy with it, I am sure of that though. You enjoy the spirit of universal love and giving. That is the greatest part of this season.

Ta Ta

The Fat Lady and the Answer

Hi all,

Well its basically all over. Really the only thing left is for someone to call it a game and the fat lady to sing. Where did that expression come from? I just looked it up. It comes from the opera. Apparently the lead was normally played by an overweight soprano lady. Since she was the lead she normally always had the last number. Well good thing we cleared that up.

So really tomorrow I still have classes. I have biology discussion and biology lecture. In biology discussion we are just watching a video on intelligent design, and in lecture it is just a general review for the final. Nothing important, but I have this feeling that I will go anyway.

That's it. Its just that and the finals. Three total, the other class didn't have a final. I will be done on Thursday and then I will be on my way home.

I'm not nervous at all. I can't at this point get any lower than a B in all of my classes, and to escape your first semester with a 3.0 and still have some stories of some hilariously funny times, well that is a feat. But really, I want at least a 3.5. I think I will get it.

I foresee myself studying, but not being overly zealous about it. I think that my years in Academic decathlon have ruined any hope of test anxiety. Sure I will get some right before the test, but once I am in there taking the test I am in a zone, a zone just like an athlete gets into. It really is mechanical at that point. My hear beats really fast and my adrenaline is going. I love the feeling I get when I take a test. Because everything in my body is going so fast my mind is also racing. This would be a problem for most, but again like an athlete I have learned control when I am in the zone. I just read super fast, and think about the question and only the question and its possible implications fast. I answer fast, and I move on to the next question almost completely forgetting the last question. The upside is, unlike Academic Decathlon, I know most of these answers because I have at some point heard or read this stuff. Few questions can really make me faulter. I am really grateful for my years on that team because while other kids are stressing about their finals I have the advantage of the study techniques and the advantage of the ability to hold on to information for long periods of time. I don't need to study as hard. I will not be stressed about these exams. If college is a marathon just call me the guy from Kenya.

I really should be stressed, but in reality I am just relieved that it is almost over. I don't have any big plans for the break, I just really want to be at a place I know completely.

So in an unrelated topic, I just found a few books that I would like for Christmas. The problem being this: I have already sent out my Christmas lists, and my family is the type that buys your presents the day after Thanksgiving. I will call my mom and tell her that I want these books. She is my second best shot. The best shot is my brother. I have yet to email him my list of things he can afford that I want for Christmas. Come to think of it he was supposed to send me a list too. This will be a gentle reminder that I need his list right?

The books that I want are basically anything that Dorothy Parker wrote. I am becoming a huge fan of her poetry and her delightful wit. I will post my favorite poems and some awesome quotes from her as an ending, and to encourage you to look up more about her and to read her works.

Theory

Into love, and out again,
Thus I went, and thus I go.
Spare your voice and hold your pen---
Well and bitterly I know
All the songs were ever sung,
All the words were ever said;
Could it be when I was young,
Someone dropped me on my head?

Coda

There's little in taking or giving,
There's little in water or wine;
This living, this living, this living
Was never a project of mine.
Oh hard is the struggle and sparse is
The gain of the one at the top,
For art is a form of catharsis,
And love is a permanent flop,
And work is the province of cattle,
And rest's for a clam in a shell,
So I'm thinking of throwing the battle---
Would you kindly direct me to hell?

Fable

Oh, there once was a lady, and so I've been told,
Whose lover grew weary, whose lover grew cold.
"My child," he remarked, "though our episode ends,
In the manner of men, I suggest we be friends."
And the truest of friends ever after they were ---
Oh, they lied in their teeth when they told me of her!

Fighting Words

Say my love is easy had,
Say I'm bitten raw with pride,
Say I am too often sad ---
Still behold me at your side.
Say I'm neither brave nor young,
Say I woo and coddle care,
Say the devil touched my tongue ---
Still you have my heart to wear.
But say my verses do not scan,
And I get me another man!


Symptom Recital

I do not like my state of mind;
I'm bitter, querulous, unkind.
I hate my legs, I hate my hands,
I do not yearn for lovelier lands.
I dread the dawn's recurrent light;
I hate to go to bed at night.
I snoot at simple, earnest folk.
I cannot take the simplest joke.
I find no peace in paint or type.
My world is but a lot of tripe.
I'm disillusioned, empty-breasted.
For what I think, I'd be arrested.
I am not sick. I am not well.
My quondam dreams are shot to hell.
My soul is crushed, my spirit sore:
I do not like me any more.
I cavil, quarrel, grumble, grouse.
I ponder on the narrow house.
I shudder at the thought of men.
I'm due to fall in love again.

Some quotes:
(when being challenged to use the word horticulture in a sentence)
"You can drag a horticulture, but you can't make her think.”

“I wish I could drink like a lady / I can take one or two at the most / Three and I'm under the table / Four and I'm under the host”

"This is not a novel to be tossed aside lightly. It should be thrown with great force.”

"I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.”

"If you want to see what God thinks of money, just look at all the people He gave it to.”

"It serves me right for putting all my eggs in one bastard.”

"That would be a good thing for them to carve on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment”

That's it for now. Hope you had a good laugh.

Ta Ta

The End Is Near!

Hello all,

I think you should know the end is near!!!!! That's right, the semester is almost over, and I may escape with all but perfect grades.

It is getting hard for me to stay focused. What a dangerous time to stop thinking about my work. The problem is that I can see the end now, whereas before it was strictly keep your head down and endure because, while you can't see the end now, it is there and it is rumored to be worth it.

But what is so distracting at the end? This isn't so easy to answer, but I will of course try.

First there is my family. I have only seen my brother once in all of five or six months, and that was for thanksgiving, so for about a day and a half. I miss him a lot. I'm not sure if he knows but I love him and he is my hero. Plus my mom and dad. I miss them also. They really are good people, I have always known this. If I happen to have children I will want to raise them the way my parents raised me. I can't think of a greater compliment, except that they have set an example for which I try to model my life after. Really if you haven't met my parents you should. They are funny, and smart, and loving. What more can you ask for?

Then there is the fact that it is Christmas and I get to see all sides of my family.

My mom's side is crazy and fun, and when they tease you they are really saying I love you. It is a bigger side than my dad's side and I wish I had more than one evening with them. I could talk with them for days.

My dad's side is so very loving. Sitting with them is like having one of those big squishy hugs that you never want to leave. It is smaller, but that just means an abundance of quality time. I should mention my aunt (my dad's sister). She is the nicest person I have ever met. I know people say this too much, but I mean it. I have never met anyone so genuinely selfless.

I should explain that I have a third side of the family, my mom's friends from college. We see them just as much, if not more, than my actual family. They love me and I love them. They are crazy and funny and have some of the best stories. I love the example they have given me for friendship.

The second reason is of course friends. This is only a close second because they are so like family these days. I have already stated that I love them and that they mean the world to me. It has been hard being apart from them so any reunion is gladly welcomed. Being with them I feel complete. Any guy who would want to be with me would have to accept that they come with the package. Happiness is watching a movie late at night eating popcorn so close to them.

Thirdly, it's almost Christmas!!! I am not religious but I love the lights and the sense of peace and love. I love the cookies and the look that others get when you give them presents. I hate the redundant music, but oh well you must take the good with the bad.

Finally, no classes. What more could I ask for? No homework or responsibility. No need to get up at 7 on Wednesdays to make it to lab by 8. This may mean I have to go back to work for a bit, but I can deal with that.

See how it is hard to focus? How can they place finals so close to going home? It seems inhuman.

Here are some thoughts that I found in the back of some of my notebooks from throughout the semester and last year. Apparently I get distracted or disgruntled. Oh well.

What is this thing we seek? How shall you define it? By numbers or theories? By words or pictures? And who are you to judge it?
Why do we seek it? Is it to be as others are and tell us to be? Is it for the money? Is it for the love?
What a horrible concept this knowledge must be!

Am I for numbers and theories? Am I for atoms and blood? It is exciting and fun, but do I love it? live for it? Do I love words, history, and the human condition more? Life is full of choices, and I feel I am only guessing.

This has gone on too long! This call in from play, this call for shoes, this call for nice clothes, this call to order, this call for promptness. How can this cruelty be born? How can the sun shine so bright? How can we be made to sit indoors? How can that bell bare to ring? Why must I be here?

This wasn't the design 'he' had in mind. We are supposed to live! not study. We were to be fit and run, not sit and listen.

The snow is coming! Can't you smell it? Our jackets are don'd, our leaves are gone. The only thing left is to cover the world! cover it in silver and white. To wash it clean, to make it shine. The snow is coming! can't you feel it? can't you feel it in your beating heart?

Chickadee in the golden tree, jump from branch to branch. Play and laugh your chickadee laugh. Soon the leaves will quiver, break and fall, leaving you to the cruel world. But you will continue to play in the gold today. Go on without a care for soon the world will lay bare.

Ta Ta

I think the snow makes me even more random

Hello,

The snow has been falling here almost all day. Quite a bit has accumulated. I have barely gone outside, and really that was only to eat lunch and make my way less than 100 feet to the next building so I can use their study lounge. I know it is a Saturday night on a college campus, I really should be out doing drugs of getting drunk. I don't really feel like doing either. Really I am just going to study Biology so that on Monday and can do well on the exam.

There is a catch in my plan, however. I seemed to have left my notebook and my power cord for my computer in my apartment. I really don't want to go back and get it. It is cold and that is five flights of steps to just get back to my room. I should go get it shouldn't I? Do you think it will be safe just to pack up all of my stuff but just leave my bag in the corner? I shouldn't be more than three min. I just don't want anyone to take it. Oh the dilemma!!! to take a heavy backpack up five flights or to leave it and risk and expensive book and an expensive calculator, not to mention my computer! Nothing else too valuable in there.

Just to waist a few more min. here is an inventory of my backpack (besides the aforementioned objects)
-a lot of random pens (a few stolen for roommates/ classmates and a few from some on campus organizations)
- an outline for a presentation that is long past ( it was on managing finances in college. got some interesting stats that I may mention later)
- various colored highlights
- metallic sharpie that I thought was lost
-a set of headphones
- an empty box of orbit (that got my hopes up)
- what appears to be all the wrappers from my orbit gum all of them empty
- a 2G flash drive
- a half empty pack of stride :)
- two tubes of chap stick
- four rubber bands ( i don't know why, but they may come in handy at a later date)
- a planner
- a few past math assignments

That's really about it. I guess I should go back and get my notebook. Oh well.

Well I have returned safely and with two new invites to parties...that makes four for today. I have my notebook and my power cord. I was also given a cookie upon my return, but I can't say it mad it worth while. For those of you interested I took my stuff with me, I didn't want to lose my half a pack of stride and my four rubber bands. Totally not worth the risk.

I should be making flash cards and memorizing them . I should be looking over my notes and looking at the pages and figures my brilliant and funny professor (just in case she somehow reads this) has referred to.

How amazing it is that I am the only one in this study lounge (between the two buildings there is only one, this campus is amazing like that) . It is a Saturday night, but you would think that some where in these two buildings there would be another geek like me studying for a test. No of course not! They are all out getting drunk, even the geeks. It is just me who is the loser. But not even that I have been invited to parties, one of them by a guy that cheeked me out earlier today. I choose to study however.

Don't get me wrong, some weekends I will go out and party, I will even drink on occasion. I have a test on Monday, and I couldn't forgive myself if I went out and got drunk instead of studying. Oh aren't I just the goody two shoes? I need good grades, I need this all to pan out. All so I can do something that I am not sure I even want to do anymore. Sure I want to help people, and the way the body works fascinates me, but could I watch someone die? The real question is if I don't do this, what will I do? I don't know. So this is the plan until I figure it all out.

Some random facts about college students that I learned while doing the presentation:
- the average college student spends $50 on beer each month
- that adds up to $5.5 billion nationally
- we spend $3 billion nationally on movie rentals a year
- the average student spends $211 per month on discretionary items
- Nationally American students spend $11 billion on snacks and beverages

Some startling stats.

This was really random. Sorry! I am off to study some more now.

Ta Ta

If you could go back would you? (please comment answering)

Hi,

I just got back from a little trip home for the holiday. It was very nice because I am sure that you wanted to know.

I had very limited Internet access, thus I haven't been able to get on here and read others blogs, or look at facebook (yes I facebook a lot).

I had a great trip in regards to seeing my friends. I saw all except for a few, two in particular stick out and I hope I will be able to see them over winter break.

I came back to campus today. I was a little cranky, mostly because I had to go back after being with my friends and family. It just seemed like a cruel trick. To allow us to go home for four days, start to get comfortable, and then just rip us away. To rip us from a world of love and fun, a world of carelessness, and force us back into a world of books, computers, classes, studying, a cold world. How can this cruelty be born?

I want to be little again. No I want to be 16, just after I got my license. There are so many things I would do differently because I know the outcomes now. I want to go to school with all of my friends and see them everyday. I want to be able to just drive around, and have gas prices be under 2.50 again. I want to be falling again for a boy who I should never have fallen for. I want my friends to tell me it is a bad idea and it will hurt like a bitch, but I still do it anyway. I want to watch a movie at one of my best friends house and lie there just the three of us our legs tangled but still completely comfortable.

I want to feel the hug of the familiar. I want to see my best friends everyday, and not only tell them the big things, but all the little stupid shit I did. I want to drive through a blizzard with my two best friends and see a stupid little green light. I want to drive and have it seem like there will be no end to the driving and have it feel great. To just drive with your best friend, snacks and a ton of great music.

I would do it all over again. All of it. Including the surgery, and the finding out that one of the guys I dated only wanted one thing. All of it. I want that feeling back. I don't know what it is because I am not good with feelings. I was different then.

Is it high school that was supposed to be the best years of your life? or is it college? or both?

I am having fun at college, don't get me wrong, but it is way more formal then what I am used to. I know that it is because I have only been living with these girls for a few months, and that really can't compare to the years I have spent with my friends.

Please don't get me wrong, I love the girls I room with. They are very nice. When we watch a movie it is all of us in respective spots. Its quite and not mocking the movie. There is very little commentary on what things remind us of. When they laugh at little things I don't know what they are laughing about.

If we were smart we would pick friends who wanted the same things as us when we are little, that way we don't have to leave them.

I love my friends and I know that no distance will ever separate us at heart, but it does still hurt.

It is what it is, right?

Ta Ta

P.S. you can have my strawberry or grape anytime you want. Just ask, no trade required. I will send it to the second star to the left and straight on until morning.

Ramblings on Religion

Hi again,

Oh religion. How grand a topic. Lets have a go at it shall we? I love a good debate on the subject, or a discussion. I love to do both with people who can not grasp the concept of a different view point. They can't understand why someone would believe something that they were told is wrong. Why others would believe in something so "wrong".

To fully understand and be on the same page we must by all accounts be dealing with the same definitions for the key words. Because so many of these words evoke different emotions and different definitions in different people we will turn to a trusted source, Websters. So here are the key terms and their definitions.

Reality: the quality or state of being real
Religion: a cause, principle, or system of beliefs held to with ardor and faith
Belief: a state or habit of mind in which trust or confidence is placed in some person or thing
Atheist: one who believes that there is no deity
Agnostic: a person who holds the view that any ultimate reality (as God) is unknown and probably unknowable; broadly : one who is not committed to believing in either the existence or the nonexistence of God or a god

This may be a good time to bring up that any discussion on the topic of religion will at its very bases be biased. This is no different. I am biased, but I shall try hard not to be. It won't work, just as it wouldn't if you yourself were writing this. We are, from the time we are able to carry on a conversation, forced to discuss religion. This is the time when we turn to what our parents have said and we mimic their beliefs. This is how most get their religion and they stick to it.

There also is no discussion on this subject without debate. There are exceptions to every rule, especially when it comes to religion. So for the sake of argument I am going to use what I know and very broad senses of religions. I also will not capitalize the word god or the name of any religions, just in case I forget, and show biased in capitalizing some and not others.

You should also note what I consider myself, and even some of my family background. I am realistically, undecided. I am socially classified in the Atheist or Agnostic category. This is more than likely correct. I also have some leanings toward buddhism. My parents are protestant. My brother is catholic. My mothers friend who has been an aunt to me is jewish. Lets just say I have seen a lot of religion.

A good friend, who I often discuss religion with, brought up the fact that some people refuse to see others beliefs as plausible, or even sane, because people define their reality by their religion.
People have a tendency to like their view of reality and not want to change it.

So lets look at reality. It is, as defined by the widely accepted Websters, the quality or state of being real. To be real is, again we turn to Websters, a) not artificial, fraudulent, or illusory or b) capable of being detected. So we define our reality by religion. Is this right? Well reality is the quality or state of being real. We must look at this as two pronged. A) real is not artificial, fraudulent, or illusory. For people who truly believe in a religion they do not see it as artificial, fraudulent, or illusory. But do we leave it up to them to decided what is real and what is not? Is real a personal choice? There are two sides of me on this. One says who am I to define what is real and what isn't for the person sitting next to me? The other says there should be a set rule of what is real and what isn't for everyone so we can distinguish reality from the imaginary. I think the later is what most of modern society is striving for, and essentially why the debates on religion still are battling to this day. Now to the other version of real. B) capable of being detected. This is more concrete. Can it be detected? For religious people the religion can be detected. It can be seen that they go to church, or that the church exists, but can the deity be? Can the bases of the religion be detected? Some people argue that miracles are us detecting some of the bases for a lot of religions. Others argue they are flukes that after further understanding and investigation can be explained. I believe what Websters was trying to tell us was that if there is debate on it that it cannot be fully detected. Thus it all isn't real, isn't it?

Whoa! what just happened? What did I just say? I am assuming you are asking yourself that. I just said that belief in general was based in something not real by present standards. I'm not saying the god does or does not exist. Either way if you believe it, you have to have tangible proof for modern society to label it as real. We don't have proof one way or another. Thus non of it is real. Take a moment, think on this, try to digest it. If you can't just move on. You will, and more than likely have been, told more profound things.

The only things I will tell you is true in this blog is we all believe in different things, and we are as a society agnostic. We are just unsure.

This, however, is not okay in modern life. You should put all of your eggs in one basket and hope you are right. But I am saying be unsure if you want to, love the unsureness of it. There is something beautiful about not knowing the answer to these big questions.

Should we be looking for answers. That is what I see religion as, a way to look and try to find answers. We feel the need for a finality to our questions. We are human, we ask a lot of questions of a lot of things. We ask them to different people, including scientists and religious higher ups. We generally accept answers that are in fact the persons educated guesses, seeing as few of them are facts (i.e. theories, and hypothesis). We take these answers until they overlap. Then we are confused, unsure. This is where religion and science ask you to pick a side. Most of the population does, and a few don't.

So what is defining us. Is it our religion, society, our community, science, genetics? Is it all of them combined? My answer is who knows? But that is just my best guess. Take it or leave it. The things I ask of you is to have a reason for why you believe something, don't condemn others for their views (they could be just as right as you think you are), be open to new opinions, and always ask is this real?

Ta Ta

Not my president, not my war?

Hi again,

Lets talk about a pet peeve of mine. The non-Americans. People who claim they want to leave America, the only real home they have ever known, because of politics. Listen up. In America you are one part of the whole. You get to say what you think about politics, laws, etc. You get to say phrases like "not my president".

Some of you are wondering why I turned right wing. I HAVEN'T. I am liberal. Trust me. The thing is I accept who I am. I know who I am was formed somewhat by genetics, but mainly from environment, like the people who surrounded me and where I lived. I lived in the heartland of America my entire life (the mid-west). I am American. I am a white upper middle class liberal American (stalkers come find me now).

I don't like Bush. I can't even see getting along with him on a personal level. I hate his policies and how he played on fear to get congress and the American people to vote for his agendas. I'm just not ok with him at all.

Like I said I am a college student. This means in the last election I wasn't old enough to vote. Most of the people surrounding me weren't. We didn't vote for Bush. The ones that could vote, statistically didn't, and the ones that actually did statistically voted Dem.

In the long run Bush won as I hope you all know. There are new campaigns out now for the next election, but that is still far off. This Bush win had many upset. It sparked the slogan not my president, not my war.

These people who chanted this are still American, most of them pay taxes. They abide by the laws, and if they do get into trouble they will use the U.S. justice system to try and get out of it. They are American. Bush, weather we like it of not, is the American president. Deal with it. Bush is your president because you are American.

What is this not my war? We have all been impacted by Patriot Act. Statistically was all know someone who is or has been to Iraq. We watch the news, read the papers. This war is all over the media. It statistically will have a negative affect on our hearts and family. We are all at least indirectly involved in this war. It makes it not only Bush's war, and not only the soldier's war, but America's war. This will one day be in American history books. This is our war.

We have made it through almost 7 years of Bush. Granted we are worse for the wear but America is still standing, and weather you like it or not one of the fastest ways out of a recession is in fact war, when handled in the right manor, which Bush didn't do at all. But one of America's greatest standing achievements has been to get through lame duck, crappy presidents (two of whom are direct ancestors of Bush). How do we do it? Well it is the checks and balance system that those founding fathers put into the constitution to guarantee that if the country made a mistake in who it voted for during an election the whole country wouldn't go down with its C average monkey headed leader. That checks and balance system while slow and calculated doesn't allow for much error, unless the country is running on fear, like the patriot act.

I am a Democratic American. I am liberal and I strongly dislike Bush. I love the concept of the melting pot. I love the diversity, the bringing together of all cultures. I am not always proud of being an American or of who represents us, but I still was brought up here. The American ways are in me and will not soon be erased, the good and the bad.

That's all for now. Please remember who you are and what you represent. This will make the world a better place.

Ta ta

I can't see the stars

Hi,

As you know I go to college. Thus the campus and town are always lit with street lights. When you are walking at night this is good. You can see where you are going, others can see you, you are less likely to get attacked.

One major problem for a girl from the country: I can't see the stars. Sometimes I catch a glimpse of them. One or two at a time, not a sky full like I at home. The sky isn't even dark, it is this darker blue color. It annoys me to know end. At home I fall asleep looking out my window up into the dark sky that is framed by trees that are black in the night. The stars are brilliant. You can't help but be in love with them. As they cast their little light onto the world, the little thing that makes the night not scary.

When I was little I was afraid of the dark. To this day a dark house scares me. When I was really little it was monsters (or garden gnomes but that is a different story). When I started getting older it was the characters from those horror movies. I have never been ok after watching a scary movie. Even the mildest scare me silly. All of the horror stories happen in the dark, thus I wasn't ok with the dark. As a small child I slept, like most children, with a night light. These tiny little lights barely give off any real light, but it is just enough to see the dark outlines of the objects around you. This gives you a sense of security, for one reason or another. I believe stars are the worlds night lights. Profound I know. They allow us to see those wonderful outlines of trees, or other objects. The blanket the world with their soft glow and give us that childish sense that everything is going to be fine.

Then we as a culture noticed a lot of crime going on at night. And what is the difference between night and day? The amount of light. We no longer trusted the stars and moon, we needed more "for safety". Thus street lights came about. We lit up the night so much that the stars disappeared. Where ever there are large groups of people, their is a fear that someone is going to do something bad, and the media and movies tell us that it will be at night. So we light up the night and forget about the stars and moon. We drop the love for beauty and nature.

Don't get me wrong, I am all for safety. Like I said I too am afraid of what goes bump in the night. I am not for a street light every ten to fifteen feet. Most colleges have safe walk programs, where guys will walk you to where you need to go when it is dark so you can feel safe.

Carry a flashlight, rape whistle or pepper spray. Have a few street lights. Go ahead and have the safe walk guys. Just give me back my stars.

Winter is coming and the snow amplifies the beauty and the glisten of the stars. I can't wait for snow to come for a prolonged period of time, but I won't be able to appreciate it fully until I can see how it reacts with the stars.

Let me leave you with some star quotes:

Second star to the right, and straight on 'till morning.

Though my soul may set in darkness, It will rise in perfect light, I have loved the stars too fondly To be fearful of the night

When it is darkest, men see the stars

These earthly godfathers of Heaven's lights, that give a name to every fixed star, have no more profit of their shining nights than those that walk and know not what they are

Ta ta

Friends

Hello again!

The snow has more or less melted, though it did snow yesterday again. Oh well I am sure it will come again, and it was fun while it lasted.

I'm a bit tired. It was a long weekend, but at least I like the socializing aspect of college.

What to talk about today? Any suggestions? I think we shall discuss friends and friendship.

There are many facets of this topic. I will only touch on a few and we may discuss more at a later date.

Guys and girls have different types of friendships. This is just how I see it so don't hate me for my opinion. The first type we shall explore is a girl to girl friendship. This is complicated because girls have different levels of friendship. It seems to me this would be a great time to define some terms. An acquittance is someone who we have met one or more times, but normally less than five. An acquittance is someone who we have had casual conversation with but have not completely connected with or have not had the chance to connect with. Then there is the grey area. The area of we have been thrown in the same situation a lot but have not connected. Girls tend to call this person a friend but not really mean it, there is no inflection in their voice when they say the word. These are girls we just know. We don't call them up to hangout, we don't even have their number. We just know them. That's really the best way to put it. Then their are friends. We have their number, we sometimes talk to them, we will do them little favors. We like them. They are nice.

Then we have true friends. Friends that mean everything to a girl. Best friends. Girls can have more than one of these. We tell them everything. They will know everything. They seem to complete us. We call that at the slightest sign of trouble. They are family. Their opinions matter. They have veto power. We love them. Hands down, drive five hundred miles to drink a bottle of wine when they broke up with a man love them. We will kill for them. We support them even if they are acting like an idiot. That is a girls best friend love.

Guys are different in my eyes. Guys have acquaintances, buddies and one or two best friends. Guys have acquittance's like girls do, but they don't put as much stock into what the acquaintances think of them as girls do. They stick to polite conversation until a topic they both like comes up and then this acquittance might move up to buddy status.

Guy to guy buddies are strange. They know little about them except what they have in common. They have buddies for different reasons. Like poker buddies, fishing buddies, gaming buddies, or football buddies. The conversation rarely goes beyond the subject that they have in common. Little is know about family or relationships. They all seem to be ok with it, so I am too. As I once heard "this is just how guys work".

There is normally one or two guys that have advanced past buddy and moved on to best friend. Best guy friends are hard to define. As a girl I am not completely sure how they work. I believe they are closer than girlfriends if at all possible. They protect secrets to the bitter end. They know everything, they say nothing. There is something mysterious about it that I like. I hope girlfriends are just as mysterious to guys.

Now the last way for friends is the guy/girl friend. This often leads to jealousy in their romantic relationships. Guys need this because it makes girls less of a mystery and girls need it so guys aren't as mysterious. Guys and girls sit on opposite sides of the fence for many topics but when they discuss it this fact is known and there isn't much fighting just discussion. They seem to be intellectual equals in most respects. They share the same interests and feel drawn to one another but are in no way attracted. Most guys don't have a great girl friend and most girls don't have a great guy friend, but there are a lucky few. I'm not sure why it works it just does.

That's a basic outline. It can go way deeper and I am sure we will at some point. Let me know your thoughts.

I will end on one of my thoughts. I have some of the best friends in the world, guys and girls. I am who I am because they have left their imprint on me. We can share ideas and respect each other when we disagree. In the end we can define our lives not by the hours we spent working, or the time we got off of work, or even in any form of time or length, but in who we were with, who we loved, and who we touched. This is the mark of a complete life, and while friends don't make your life they help define it. That is why we search out friends, so we know who we are, and we feel defined.

Ta ta

The First Real Snow Fall

Hello,

So it snowed last night, and while it has snowed before this year it has never stuck. It stuck last night. Almost an inch. Not a lot but it is a start. This is the first real snow fall in my eyes.

After my night last night I needed something to say the world goes on, and things are still right in the world even if that one thing isn't. It was bad for me, but there is so much going right in my world why should I focus on the thing that was mainly out of my control?

I woke up with the curtain closed. I pressed the snooze button on my alarm twice before actually getting up. This meant forgoing a shower, but I will get one later. I got dressed in jeans and a cute but warm long sleeved shirt because it has been cold lately. I put on my big boots because they are quick, comfortable, and warm. All of this without opening the curtain, so as not to wake up my roommate. I packed my bag and went to Biology discussion. I walked out of the building to a white world. the ground was covered, and the street had seen so few cars that their was still snow on it. I couldn't believe it. It felt like mother nature did it just for me. I know that's not how it works, but for today I choose to believe that she put the snow there to say "look this is for you! The world is good and beautiful. You are alive and I love you."

The first snowfall feels like a huge hug. The evergreens are tipped white. I love the look of it. That is how evergreens were designed. They are meant to have snow on top of them frosting the tips but showing the rich green underneath.

I am listening to music as I type this it is very good chill winter perfect music. I can't help but feel good today. I want to drink hot chocolate, or a butter rum, and have popcorn and watch a great movie. A sweet one. Not sure what one but I will find one.

I want to play in the snow. I want to watch as I make footprints as I walk. Love is snow. Life is Biology. Snow is Biology. Thus love is life. I haven't found love yet, I might not even be ready, but one day I will find the right guy and we will cuddle on the sofa all day on the day the first snow sticks to the ground. That is my dream. I know nothing of my wedding, because that is only one day, but I know what I want for my life.

I didn't think I would be, but today I am smiling. That slow content smile. The one that just feels good.

In Biology discussion, we actually had a discussion and I voiced my opinions (something I normally don't do in class). People agreed with me. It felt good. The discussion was on ethics in genetics. I think people agreed because I took a moderate approach to it.

After discussion a friend from that class came back and we made scrambled eggs with cheese. We ruined the first batch but the second was much better. The first batch the stove top was up to high (above 5 on ours means red hot). The sink is having problems again, but we will live with it until it gets really bad, then we will call someone. None of this matters because there is snow.

I'm off to enjoy the day and relax.

Fell the love today, kiss someone you love, hug your friends, watch a great movie, and feel the moment and love it.

Ta ta

Suburbia

Hello again.

Lets talk shall we? Lets discuss suburbia. Yes that quaint little part of the country, where the houses look the same, the people look and act the same, and everyone is "nice". That place where kids play in the streets and you know your neighbors name. Where everyone votes the same, speaks the same, and has the same type of family (A mom and dad (no two moms or two dads here) and 2 children, a fish, a cat, and a dog).Its a place that wants to be like a small town in the country, without the inconvenience of a long commute to work or nature.

Where to begin? The concept itself seems good. The suburbs are defined as residential areas on the outskirts of a city or large town. Large cities have many suburbs. The suburbs may also be referred to as the "burbs". The word is derived from the Old French "subb urbe" and ultimately from the Latin "suburbium", formed from "sub", meaning "under", and "urbs", meaning "city", therefore suburbis would mean under the city. The burbs first appeared outside of Chicago. Suburbia in itself is meant to be a leach on the city it surrounds. Suburbs often have strip malls and other such conveniences in the center. They could self sustain, just as a leach is a separate animal from the one it is attached to.

Suburbs draw the upper classes out of the city so they can "have a quite place to live" (a.k.a. get away from the poor, minorities, culture, and crime). This isn't completely bad. What parent wouldn't want to move their children away from overcrowded schools and high crime rates? This, however, could be fixed by moving the upper classes back into the cities. This would allow the cities to generate more revenue and collect more in taxes. This, without corruption in the system, would allow the city to open more schools and the upper class kids would be sitting in the same sized classes as they are in suburbia, the national level would then bestow more money on the school district (which normally encompasses the entire city). This money could be used to give raises to deserving teachers (this again is without the union that mandates raises). This would also allow schools to bring in better quality teachers, and with the smaller class sizes because of the opening of new schools, the students would get a better education with more individualized attention (this allows for learning disabilities to be caught earlier, this also allows for fewer gangs because students know people care about them, this also allows for more fun in the class room and less straight forward lectures).

None of this is happening though. Why? because the rich leave the city for suburbia. Suburbia gets the befits of this, and the poor kids are stuck in the city in overcrowded class rooms, with little attention, more gangs, and more drugs. But don't think for a minute all the negative effects of this suburban move are on the poor, there are many left on the upper class too. Lets look. With the removal of the rich kids from the cities the kids are losing diversity. Many suburban graduating classes only have an handful of non-white kids to speak of. There is also a decrease in culture. There are few museums, art galleries, and theaters in suburbia. Most of these are in the city, and the kids must commute to them, thus most go only a few times and most of those times are on class field trips.

Suburban kids also are ones to rebel. There are many ways to do so, but lets only explore a few. The first way is in music. Some kids form bands others just spend their parents money to buy angry music. Most punk rock is coming out of the garages of suburbia. This is easy enough. Really, no harm no foul (unless you are of the persuasion that rock music can lead kids to violence because of the violent music, and not the lack of parent involvement). The other way kids rebel is drugs. While drugs are prevalent in the cities, they are almost more so in the suburbs (this is portrayed by the Showtime series Weeds, great show). The drugs are hidden, however. In the cities people who do drugs really don't try to hard to hide the fact. Some of the common drugs in suburbia are pot, meth, speed, and cocaine. Most of these are proven to be detrimental to growth and development, and the brain itself.



We have already started to talk about the people of suburbia, lets continue with that shall we?

Suburbia in itself promotes looking at your neighbor, and finding flaws in yourself (i.e. the grass is always greener on the other side of the white picket fence mentality). This envy leads parents to work harder for promotions so they can have what the neighbors have. This sometimes times can lead to a neglect of children's emotion. This can lead to resentment from the children, thus the rebellion previously mentioned.

The removal of the family unit to the burbs can lead kids to lets just say it shall we? be stuck up. They have been removed and thus subliminally been told through money and gifts that they are better. While they can work to overcome this most never will. Most kids will be spoiled (cars, sweet sixteens, and other lavish presents) while this isn't a bad thing it is sometimes the only way that parents show love. The kids also never have to work so they develop no work ethic. This suburban life also can lead kids to rebel in a different way, the more hippie way. They want peace, and freedom because of their stifled life style. These kids however , because of the lack of effort they have needed in life, only commit half way. They go to one peace rally, and support one cause, and most of the time don't even recycle. They may see it as a way to differentiate themselves from the pack of other suburban kids. These kids like most of the others will attend college, use their parents or their parents friend to get high paying jobs, and move to suburbia and the cycle will start over. It was a life they once objected to, hated and struggled to get away from, and the majority of them will return happily to that life style.



Lets examine the other choices for life quickly (this blog is getting to long and Renae told me to hurry).

City

Pro:

Culture, class, diversity, a fun night life, never a dull moment

Con:

Crime, drugs, noise, pollution, litter, crowded schools and hospitals, and limited space for a high price

Country

Pro:

actually know neighbors, quite, more in tuned with nature, small class sizes, personal attention, promotion of family values, locally owned stores

Con:

lack of diversity, small hospitals, sometimes boring, no night life, lack of culture, limited access to outside world, red necks



All of the options have pros and cons. I can't choose for you. If you choose suburbia, the city or the country please pay attention to your kids, introduce them to diversity, teach them about nature, listen to them, don't teach them to always chase the almighty dollar and never slow down by doing that yourself, teach them work ethic (even if it means not getting someone to clean your house for you), and let them be kids when they are kids. If you do this any place you live will work. Some people do this already, some don't.



Also of note: the song "little boxes", its about suburbia and is divine.



This is all opinion. Not ment to offend, it was just an opservation. Please if you need to correct me please do. I am from a rural area. I claim to be dumb on this issue. I will edit if the need be. I do enjoy the company and views of people from the suburbs most of the time with the exception of the extreme cases. The ones listed above are extreme cases. Just as I am not fond of extreme cases of people from suburbs, I am not fond of extremes from the country or the city. My one request is that we all try to be well rounded people and show respect.



That's it for now,

Ta ta

Feeling like a college student

I just got done with my lab exam. Well that is a lie I got done at nine and it is now ten. In a bit I will travel on my merry way to lecture. This will be fine because we are talking about genetics. That is somewhat interesting. Then comes the plague of my Wednesdays ICL (into to college learning). Not fun I say. I hate it. Then pre-calc, its a review day so we are to bring any questions we have. I have two but after that I will be bored. From past experience this class will let out early. Then the only thing I have to do is study, mainly by doing and checking over the posted practice exam. Then its on to one of the six movies I bought yesterday.

I don't know if I told you this or not but I am a college student in the Mid-West studying Biology. I will tell you this much because it lets you know a bit about me but lets me not get stalked.

I love biology. Its the study of life, and since I am living and so are you (hopefully), it is the study of me and you. Biology is something tangible, you can see it touch it, taste it. When you love it is a release of hormones and chemicals, thus love is Biology. When you hate it is Biology. When you move Biology. Biology is every second of everyday, and biologists live for studying and knowing it all.

I finally feel like a college student. You may ask why it took over two months for me to feel like a college student and I am just feeling like one now. For you see, yesterday I went shopping. In doing so I picked up six DVDs, this is added to the one I bought the day before, and a fish. A little resilient thing. Red with little flecks of blue in him. It is a male, and in this apartment of four females he is the only guy. Thus I have named him Waffles (the pimp). For some reason purchasing $30 worth of DVDs and a fish made me feel like a college kid. I know have something dependant on me. I have to take care of little waffles, granted that means feeding him about every other day and not having to do anything else, but still he needs me. I feel grown up. Then next step is a plant. I'm not ready for that kind of commitment yet though.

I really, up until now, have felt like I am just at camp. Well I never really went to a camp, but I imagine this is what it would feel like. It was just someplace I slept/studied/ate sometimes. It doesn't feel like home, but its not so strange. It will never be home.

Just got out of ICL. I remember again why I hate that class so much. I have a little break between classes. Why do I have to learn how to be a college student? Generations have gone before me without that class, the strong made it, it was like college survival of the fittest. This just keeps the kids who shouldn't be in college in college, and thus giving the system more money before they eventually fail out. I sit in the class and make educated guesses of the ones that won't make it past this year. Maybe that is mean, but I don't fancy myself to be of a low I.Q. (I have my moments but on average I think I am smart), so when I sit in a room filled with people of a different type of intelligence then me it makes me feel like I am in the wrong place. A word to the wise, if you are planning on seeking financial help/services in the next 6 years please check where the person who is helping you has graduated from. If it is from the university I attend, based on the people who I have found in that field here, please seek out someone else.

As I sit here I am staring at a very ugly metal sculpture. Again not to be mean, but some people just shouldn't sculpt in metal. They suck at it. I have seen a few ultimately brilliant metal sculptures. They have taken my breath away. But 0n the whole just because you call yourself an artist doesn't mean a) that you should sculpt in metal and b) that you are any good. This particular sculpture is in my top five ugliest, and those of you who know me know my number one. I hate that most metal sculptures you can't even tell what they are but you know they are supposed to be something. I get abstract, I really do. But its the ones that are so poorly constructed that are supposed to be something but end up just being pieces of metal stacked on one another and welded together that bother me. There are people who weld and there are artists, very rarely are these people even related, let alone one in the same. I know a metal sculptor, and she is very good. Very well known. That's right she is a girl and I respect her for being in a field of mainly men.

Random note for all of you architects that may ever build a college: don't put a study nook next to an open stairwell. People talk in stairwells and people who are studying don't like excessive noise. Thus putting these two next to each other means bad news.

Till next time I will leave you with this random quote from my Biology Lecture today: Have sex with people you don't know.

Ta ta

The Warning

So I have decided to blog.
Never thought I would but here I am. I think it is therapeutic for me to get my thoughts out in an organized manor such as writing. I also thought this would be a good way for people to keep in contact with me or at least keep up with me.
This is where I will voice my opinions and rants. Sorry if you don't like them, but you choose to read it with this fair warning in mind, and thus isn't it really your own fault?
I may from time to post some songs or lyrics that I think you should listen to or at least look at.
I may also get nostalgic. I am sorry, sometimes I get like that.
Other random things may appear.
I am a very poor writer. I am sorry, but again you did make the effort to come to this page and read what I have written so you knew what you were in for. In junction to what I just stated I am a very poor speller. I know this and have excepted it, you should too, but in all honesty I will more than likely spell check them all and will do my best to make it readable.
This is a short one. Sorry.
Why am I apologizing? It's my blog.
Oh well.
Ta ta