hello,
Things are getting overwhelming. I have too much homework. Too much work. I don't have enough discipline. The whole of last week I was freezing because the heat wasn't on in my building. I came back today to find that my fridge is a vengeful thing and had turned my sodas into slushies. And my freezer took a lesson from my fridge and turned my ice cream into a solid rock. Greatly disappointing.
I don't feel like running away like last year. I feel like I just want a little break. Just a few days and then I will come back. I want to see my friends. I want to laugh with them, watch movies with them, eat ice cream with them. I want to forget about chemistry. Say so long to Latin. I want a few days back in my world, with everything the way I had it. If I was going to run away it would be to London though. To that flat I have planned out with a friend.
The economy sucks. Not just the United States economy but the world economy. It really does worry me. The bailout with help some, but not if the banks keep spending the money on themselves and not on helping the people. I don't believe either candidate has a real concrete plan, and I don't believe they could seeing as no one is looking to other countries who have gone through the same thing to base our plans off of. I fear that if this doesn't work out quickly too many of us will losing homes, jobs and not going back to college. I am worried about that. I will have to take out loans soon and then I will have to worry about money. I am not okay with that. What happens when a generation doesn't graduate college and those who do can't find jobs? I worry about that. We all need to think about it. We need a concrete solution, and we need faith. Who ever provides that is a national hero.
That is all for now.
ta ta.
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Sunday, September 7, 2008
an update
Hello,
I am back at college, a different college this time but still it is college. I like it here so very much, at least so far. This isn't to say that I don't miss people from my last college, or my friends from back home. People here are surprisingly nice, and living in a dorm isn't as bad as I thought it would be. The food is much better here, and the classes are much more interesting.
I had a bad day today but I won't get into it now. Lets just say that I made it through and tomorrow will be better. As I was walking back from this horrific day I was listening to some up beat, loud bass music in my ipod, when I felt a familiar tightness in my right calf. I have felt this before. I severely strained/tore my Achilles tendon when I was in the eighth grade and ever since then any start of a new work out routine I feel the tightness. This apparently even means just walking as much as I do now. In tennis at the beginning of the season, like in many sports you get that tightness that just goes away with more work. I didn't have that this summer. I didn't play tennis this summer. That really saddens me because I love tennis to no end, and I take this sick pleasure in complaining about that beginning season tightness to other players because it shows that I am out there playing. I hate to say it but I wish my whole back and arms were tight not just my calf.
This town is great. I love being at a university where my profs. not only are the experts in the fields but are so much so that they have written the text books. I love that I feel like I am back in the country but not 15 min. away walking is a huge town, and one of my favorite streets in the world. I love how nice people are here despite the fact that it is a huge school. Most of all I love knowing that my mom went here. Granted that when she went here the school was much different. New buildings have gone up and some have been torn down. The acceptance rates and requirements have changed very drastically and not in the students favor. The political nature hasn't changed much and neither has the party scene.
I am back at college, a different college this time but still it is college. I like it here so very much, at least so far. This isn't to say that I don't miss people from my last college, or my friends from back home. People here are surprisingly nice, and living in a dorm isn't as bad as I thought it would be. The food is much better here, and the classes are much more interesting.
I had a bad day today but I won't get into it now. Lets just say that I made it through and tomorrow will be better. As I was walking back from this horrific day I was listening to some up beat, loud bass music in my ipod, when I felt a familiar tightness in my right calf. I have felt this before. I severely strained/tore my Achilles tendon when I was in the eighth grade and ever since then any start of a new work out routine I feel the tightness. This apparently even means just walking as much as I do now. In tennis at the beginning of the season, like in many sports you get that tightness that just goes away with more work. I didn't have that this summer. I didn't play tennis this summer. That really saddens me because I love tennis to no end, and I take this sick pleasure in complaining about that beginning season tightness to other players because it shows that I am out there playing. I hate to say it but I wish my whole back and arms were tight not just my calf.
This town is great. I love being at a university where my profs. not only are the experts in the fields but are so much so that they have written the text books. I love that I feel like I am back in the country but not 15 min. away walking is a huge town, and one of my favorite streets in the world. I love how nice people are here despite the fact that it is a huge school. Most of all I love knowing that my mom went here. Granted that when she went here the school was much different. New buildings have gone up and some have been torn down. The acceptance rates and requirements have changed very drastically and not in the students favor. The political nature hasn't changed much and neither has the party scene.
There is just something about going to a school your parent went to. I know it is corny but I take a sense of pride in the fact that I am among a special class of second generation students here. My mom went here, and while she never lived on campus, or took the classes I am taking, or had the same major, we now share something even more because I go here. Her school is now my school. Different times, but the same love. She won't admit it but she loves this school by extension of all the memories she has here.
I should rest up. I will write more later.
Fall is coming. I can't wait!
Ta ta!
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Peaceful
Hello,
I never thought that I would actually have a summer working as much as I do, but somehow I find a way. If I work it is followed by going to the beach or hanging out with friends. There is little stress in my life except for losing my phone (which is now recovered) and my sunburned back and my sore foot. Working on the dock is hard work and can be dangerous.
I have the house to myself tonight and I enjoy it. I found my truck today under the mound of dirt that has been living in it, and I feel better about driving it now. I also went out to eat with a good friend and it was nice not to think about what others think of me, with her and a select few I don't need to impress them or worry that they think I am a dork. They already know and still hang out with me. It was nice and leaves me at peace. I did work today and found out that I can do my job by myself, well mostly. I have tomorrow off and can stay up late tonight.
I am really tired though. It might be from the lobster colored skin on my back or the long day that was made longer by the storm at 4 this morning. Who knows, but for once I am not cranky tired. I am instead peaceful tired. I have a lot to do tomorrow but it will get done eventually and this time sunscreen will be involved. For now I am alive and mainly well, except for the foot. Life is good for right now, I hope yours is too.
Ta Ta
I never thought that I would actually have a summer working as much as I do, but somehow I find a way. If I work it is followed by going to the beach or hanging out with friends. There is little stress in my life except for losing my phone (which is now recovered) and my sunburned back and my sore foot. Working on the dock is hard work and can be dangerous.
I have the house to myself tonight and I enjoy it. I found my truck today under the mound of dirt that has been living in it, and I feel better about driving it now. I also went out to eat with a good friend and it was nice not to think about what others think of me, with her and a select few I don't need to impress them or worry that they think I am a dork. They already know and still hang out with me. It was nice and leaves me at peace. I did work today and found out that I can do my job by myself, well mostly. I have tomorrow off and can stay up late tonight.
I am really tired though. It might be from the lobster colored skin on my back or the long day that was made longer by the storm at 4 this morning. Who knows, but for once I am not cranky tired. I am instead peaceful tired. I have a lot to do tomorrow but it will get done eventually and this time sunscreen will be involved. For now I am alive and mainly well, except for the foot. Life is good for right now, I hope yours is too.
Ta Ta
Thursday, June 19, 2008
This place I call home
Hello.
Sometimes when I am home I forget for a little bit how magical of a world I live in. Then I wake up from a nap after work and walk outside and it hits me again. This isn't a dorm or an apartment, this isn't a city or anywhere close to it. This is a small town family living in a small neighborhood that is set off in the beauty of the Northwoods of Wisconsin.
Let me paint a picture of what I see when I look around my yard. In my front yard you see the trees curl up and around my driveway and the sun periodically peeks through. Then trees surround my entire yard and you can hardly see the neighbors houses. Mainly it is indescribable because it is the warm cozy feeling of knowing that it is nature that is protecting you.
In my backyard trees line the left hand side and the right hand side is bordered by a fence between my neighbors perfectly manicured lawn and my own. The only way the back of the property is bordered is by water. That lake that I grew up on and have such and affection for. The lake that as a small child I would spend six hours or more swimming and boating and in general splashing around in. My back yard is a small hill the leads down to a small beach house and fire pit with benches around it and a little walk way to the beach. There is a hammock and two docks one for the pontoon boat and other small crafts ( canoes, kayaks, paddle boats, whatever one we have in the water) and one for the speed boat and for tanning and jumping off of. Soon the rafts will be out about 25 meters apart and I will spend my days with friends just lounging on them.
Again it is mainly intangible things that I love about this place. Things like the tree my brother and I used to climb, or the place my old squeaky swing set used to reside, or the part of the Canadian shield that I used to just go to sit and read a book, The place where I got the scar on my leg or the place I got the one on my arm. The stump of the tree that I ran into sledding and sprained my ankle so bad I couldn't walk so my dad went out and simply chopped the tree down. This is the place that my brother and I grew up, played together, fought together, and generally grew to like one another. This is the place that I returned to after every big event in life and I will return to for a long time. This is a place that my friends hang out and that I am comfortable.
As I work on the boat with my dad I get to thinking that this is the kind of life I want for my kids. I want my kids to know that you have to, in general, use hand tools on a boat because then you can be more sensitive and are less likely to break the rusty screws. I want my kids to know what it is to break a sweat on a boat that will bring you so much enjoyment in the future. I want my kids to know how to use tools and to know the great feeling of utter exhaustion after a day of physical labor. I want my kids to know what it is like to run down a hill with your towel tied around your neck so as to pretend they are superman as they jump off the dock and into the water, but also to know later what it is like to fix that dock. I want my kids to know how to drive a boat and have their first driving experience be on their fathers lap when they are three years old on a boat. I want my kids to have the childhood I did because I can't think of a better one, and I think that is the highest complement you can give your parents.
That is all for now.
Ta Ta
Sometimes when I am home I forget for a little bit how magical of a world I live in. Then I wake up from a nap after work and walk outside and it hits me again. This isn't a dorm or an apartment, this isn't a city or anywhere close to it. This is a small town family living in a small neighborhood that is set off in the beauty of the Northwoods of Wisconsin.
Let me paint a picture of what I see when I look around my yard. In my front yard you see the trees curl up and around my driveway and the sun periodically peeks through. Then trees surround my entire yard and you can hardly see the neighbors houses. Mainly it is indescribable because it is the warm cozy feeling of knowing that it is nature that is protecting you.
In my backyard trees line the left hand side and the right hand side is bordered by a fence between my neighbors perfectly manicured lawn and my own. The only way the back of the property is bordered is by water. That lake that I grew up on and have such and affection for. The lake that as a small child I would spend six hours or more swimming and boating and in general splashing around in. My back yard is a small hill the leads down to a small beach house and fire pit with benches around it and a little walk way to the beach. There is a hammock and two docks one for the pontoon boat and other small crafts ( canoes, kayaks, paddle boats, whatever one we have in the water) and one for the speed boat and for tanning and jumping off of. Soon the rafts will be out about 25 meters apart and I will spend my days with friends just lounging on them.
Again it is mainly intangible things that I love about this place. Things like the tree my brother and I used to climb, or the place my old squeaky swing set used to reside, or the part of the Canadian shield that I used to just go to sit and read a book, The place where I got the scar on my leg or the place I got the one on my arm. The stump of the tree that I ran into sledding and sprained my ankle so bad I couldn't walk so my dad went out and simply chopped the tree down. This is the place that my brother and I grew up, played together, fought together, and generally grew to like one another. This is the place that I returned to after every big event in life and I will return to for a long time. This is a place that my friends hang out and that I am comfortable.
As I work on the boat with my dad I get to thinking that this is the kind of life I want for my kids. I want my kids to know that you have to, in general, use hand tools on a boat because then you can be more sensitive and are less likely to break the rusty screws. I want my kids to know what it is to break a sweat on a boat that will bring you so much enjoyment in the future. I want my kids to know how to use tools and to know the great feeling of utter exhaustion after a day of physical labor. I want my kids to know what it is like to run down a hill with your towel tied around your neck so as to pretend they are superman as they jump off the dock and into the water, but also to know later what it is like to fix that dock. I want my kids to know how to drive a boat and have their first driving experience be on their fathers lap when they are three years old on a boat. I want my kids to have the childhood I did because I can't think of a better one, and I think that is the highest complement you can give your parents.
That is all for now.
Ta Ta
Saturday, June 7, 2008
The new update
Hello,
So for those of you who have yet to figure it out I am in fact home. I am assuming those of you who read this have however actually seen me so that statement was moot.
It is late and I am writing this and thinking about how much I have to discuss and thinking I won't get to all of it. So either this will be long or I will have a few installments over the next few days.
How strange it is to be home. It is a house that you grew up in and that you parents still inhabit. They have rules, and must be asked simple questions that either seem to annoy them or were questions that not even I had to ask myself before. They keep the same beliefs that if I make something it is free for them to eat all of it. This assumption while not totally wrong, leads to me not getting one single bite of a meal that could have fed six. That aside it isn't too bad, at least for me.
Now that I am back I feel I have assumed my old roles of worker, friend, daughter, all around reliable person, etc. This is what helps to make me sometimes ask did it really happen? did I really leave and have a different life? I work in the same place I always worked, I live in the same house and I keep the same friends. I have many friends and it gets hard at times to keep up with all of them but I find it hard to choose between them.
I am a people pleaser, at least a little bit because I don't want to lose a friend. This goes to the extreme of not wanting to lose my ex boyfriend as a friend because he was a friend first. I feel some people take advantage of this and others just take advantage of me. I do notice.
I went to a party tonight. I didn't drink and was an overall good girl. It was so interesting to see some people that I know fairly well get drunk and some people I hardly knew. As I watched one of my friends who knows some of my most embarrassing moments get drunk all I could do was wait for the stories to start. I watched as the guys got more hillbilly and laughed at them as the stumbled everywhere. They will be feeling this nights fun tomorrow morning.
I was so happy I actually got to go to this party though. I almost was forced not to stay out there because I was supposed to work tomorrow morning. I got out of that though. I switched departments and maybe this will help me to feel that this summer is not the same as the last summer. So tomorrow is my first day off in a long time. I plan on getting caught up on the list of things that I need to do. My days are the same. Everyday with little variation. I get up and go to work. When I am done with that I get about a half hour and then I invite some friend over and we just hang out. Then it is to bed. Just put that on repeat. Work consumes my life right now and once I am used to it I will have to find something else.
Well I am off to sleep. More later.
Ta Ta
So for those of you who have yet to figure it out I am in fact home. I am assuming those of you who read this have however actually seen me so that statement was moot.
It is late and I am writing this and thinking about how much I have to discuss and thinking I won't get to all of it. So either this will be long or I will have a few installments over the next few days.
How strange it is to be home. It is a house that you grew up in and that you parents still inhabit. They have rules, and must be asked simple questions that either seem to annoy them or were questions that not even I had to ask myself before. They keep the same beliefs that if I make something it is free for them to eat all of it. This assumption while not totally wrong, leads to me not getting one single bite of a meal that could have fed six. That aside it isn't too bad, at least for me.
Now that I am back I feel I have assumed my old roles of worker, friend, daughter, all around reliable person, etc. This is what helps to make me sometimes ask did it really happen? did I really leave and have a different life? I work in the same place I always worked, I live in the same house and I keep the same friends. I have many friends and it gets hard at times to keep up with all of them but I find it hard to choose between them.
I am a people pleaser, at least a little bit because I don't want to lose a friend. This goes to the extreme of not wanting to lose my ex boyfriend as a friend because he was a friend first. I feel some people take advantage of this and others just take advantage of me. I do notice.
I went to a party tonight. I didn't drink and was an overall good girl. It was so interesting to see some people that I know fairly well get drunk and some people I hardly knew. As I watched one of my friends who knows some of my most embarrassing moments get drunk all I could do was wait for the stories to start. I watched as the guys got more hillbilly and laughed at them as the stumbled everywhere. They will be feeling this nights fun tomorrow morning.
I was so happy I actually got to go to this party though. I almost was forced not to stay out there because I was supposed to work tomorrow morning. I got out of that though. I switched departments and maybe this will help me to feel that this summer is not the same as the last summer. So tomorrow is my first day off in a long time. I plan on getting caught up on the list of things that I need to do. My days are the same. Everyday with little variation. I get up and go to work. When I am done with that I get about a half hour and then I invite some friend over and we just hang out. Then it is to bed. Just put that on repeat. Work consumes my life right now and once I am used to it I will have to find something else.
Well I am off to sleep. More later.
Ta Ta
Monday, May 5, 2008
Unsure of anything
Hello,
I am sick. I think you should know. It is a very indescribable sick, seeing as I am horrible at describing things I won't even try. This whole sick thing even led to a hospital ordeal, but don't worry that turned out to be nothing.
I haven't been eating and I know I should, so just get off my back. I just feel even more sick after I eat and I have no appetite at all. I am going back into health services, hopefully this time they will help.
I have a lot on my mind also. I talked to Sam this weekend though. That was good. I got a few things cleared up and found out he is deploying. I am not okay with that as you might have guessed. I still also have yet to double check my job. I will do that today.
Finals are coming up and I am barely thinking about them. I only have two that I am worried about, and I will start studying for those this week.
Everyone is excited about summer and going home. I am not and I don't know why. Maybe because I am used to this now. Maybe because it means I finally have to get on with my future and stop this holding pattern. Maybe because I am not sure I will be returning to school with the same intent that I started with. That intent that has been with me since I was 13. That scares me a lot. It is a lot of money that is being shelled out for me to be this unsure.
Oh balls! I have class now.
Ta Ta
I am sick. I think you should know. It is a very indescribable sick, seeing as I am horrible at describing things I won't even try. This whole sick thing even led to a hospital ordeal, but don't worry that turned out to be nothing.
I haven't been eating and I know I should, so just get off my back. I just feel even more sick after I eat and I have no appetite at all. I am going back into health services, hopefully this time they will help.
I have a lot on my mind also. I talked to Sam this weekend though. That was good. I got a few things cleared up and found out he is deploying. I am not okay with that as you might have guessed. I still also have yet to double check my job. I will do that today.
Finals are coming up and I am barely thinking about them. I only have two that I am worried about, and I will start studying for those this week.
Everyone is excited about summer and going home. I am not and I don't know why. Maybe because I am used to this now. Maybe because it means I finally have to get on with my future and stop this holding pattern. Maybe because I am not sure I will be returning to school with the same intent that I started with. That intent that has been with me since I was 13. That scares me a lot. It is a lot of money that is being shelled out for me to be this unsure.
Oh balls! I have class now.
Ta Ta
Thursday, April 24, 2008
I need some condo time
Hello,
I need to stop. This applies to a lot of things. I need to stop worrying and start relaxing. I need to stop assuming that I can fix everything. I need to stop wanting to fix everything and stop feeling personally invested when things fail. I need to stop thinking about the long term future and focus on now. I need to start breathing, start running, start living.
There is one fatal flaw, I don't know how to do it, and I am to apathetic to change my ways. I hate that I care so much about so much. I shouldn't but I do.
My decision is made and I have told everyone except for one because I am a selfish chicken, or maybe because I don't want to hurt her feelings. There is also this little thing that I am not sure I made the right decision, on a lot of things.
The horrible part is this leads me to think I want/need a drink. I don't always like what I have done after I drink, but the stress relief is still good.
If I had a car I would do what I did in high school. I would just drive. Drive until the weight of the world isn't crashing down. Drive until I have figured things out. Drive until I am out of tears or hatred. Drive until dawn.
I don't get enough sleep. But what is new about that? I am becoming apathetic about my school work and while that isn't new it is possibly bad for me.
I need to stop thinking about the past. It is done and there is no changing what I have done, and what is over.
Be proud. I have gone the entire day without drinking caffeine and this on very little sleep.
This wasn't for anyone else. This was for me. If you feel like it you can talk to me about it (if I post it that is).
Ta Ta
I need to stop. This applies to a lot of things. I need to stop worrying and start relaxing. I need to stop assuming that I can fix everything. I need to stop wanting to fix everything and stop feeling personally invested when things fail. I need to stop thinking about the long term future and focus on now. I need to start breathing, start running, start living.
There is one fatal flaw, I don't know how to do it, and I am to apathetic to change my ways. I hate that I care so much about so much. I shouldn't but I do.
My decision is made and I have told everyone except for one because I am a selfish chicken, or maybe because I don't want to hurt her feelings. There is also this little thing that I am not sure I made the right decision, on a lot of things.
The horrible part is this leads me to think I want/need a drink. I don't always like what I have done after I drink, but the stress relief is still good.
If I had a car I would do what I did in high school. I would just drive. Drive until the weight of the world isn't crashing down. Drive until I have figured things out. Drive until I am out of tears or hatred. Drive until dawn.
I don't get enough sleep. But what is new about that? I am becoming apathetic about my school work and while that isn't new it is possibly bad for me.
I need to stop thinking about the past. It is done and there is no changing what I have done, and what is over.
Be proud. I have gone the entire day without drinking caffeine and this on very little sleep.
This wasn't for anyone else. This was for me. If you feel like it you can talk to me about it (if I post it that is).
Ta Ta
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Sorting Things Out
Hello,
I need to organize my thoughts and if you would like to come along on this journey please continue reading.
I need out. I really think I do. Summer seemed so near and now this. A freaking blizzard. We are supposed to get over a foot of snow. Why? Isn't it April? I don't think that thinking of transferring is helping either. It is making me itch to leave and the fact is I haven't decided where I am going. But isn't that my life? When I felt like this before I just would jump in my car and drive until I got to a different town and then just drive back. I didn't care what town and I never went to see anyone I just needed to feel like I was going somewhere.
I feel this place is just a holding college. It feels like I don't really belong here and I am leaving along with some others and we have just been kind of held here for a year. Not that we were treated badly, just that this wasn't right for us.
But where to go? Where my head tells or to where my heart tells me? Why can't they agree? They did once but then reality struck and that was the end of that. I lived, I made do. I keep talking about the proximity of family to all schools, but why? I love my family and all but I was willing to go about twelve hours from my home to go to school as of this time last year. Actually this time last year I had resigned myself to my realistic fate and here I have sat.
Why did I pick here? I have asked myself that countless times and I don't have a clear answer. I couldn't pay for the dream, I would have to wait for the back up, I didn't want the other back up, so I guess I just took here because I was running out of options? That sounds like a horrible reason to pick a school. I don't believe I deserve a lot in life, but I think i deserve the educational institution that I can be happy at. Either of the choices now I would be happy at I think. One would make my parents happy and their wallets, and I hate to say it but their opinion does mean a great deal to me. In the end though it is just one of the things I am considering.
The problem is a lot of people are waiting for me to decide and they have their personal opinions and I feel like I will let people down no matter what I choose. This includes one of my best friends in the world. I don't want to hurt her but I am leaning towards the other school. I love her and she knows that and if she needed me there I would go, but the fact is she has friends there and more coming. She will be fine. I hope she understands that if I choose the other one it is because I think it is what is best for me. I can't make this decision based on other people. I refuse to let money control me again, but in the end it is still a factor. This is about me and where I will be happy, healthy, and likely to succeed. I just need to keep telling myself this.
That's all for now.
Ta Ta
I need to organize my thoughts and if you would like to come along on this journey please continue reading.
I need out. I really think I do. Summer seemed so near and now this. A freaking blizzard. We are supposed to get over a foot of snow. Why? Isn't it April? I don't think that thinking of transferring is helping either. It is making me itch to leave and the fact is I haven't decided where I am going. But isn't that my life? When I felt like this before I just would jump in my car and drive until I got to a different town and then just drive back. I didn't care what town and I never went to see anyone I just needed to feel like I was going somewhere.
I feel this place is just a holding college. It feels like I don't really belong here and I am leaving along with some others and we have just been kind of held here for a year. Not that we were treated badly, just that this wasn't right for us.
But where to go? Where my head tells or to where my heart tells me? Why can't they agree? They did once but then reality struck and that was the end of that. I lived, I made do. I keep talking about the proximity of family to all schools, but why? I love my family and all but I was willing to go about twelve hours from my home to go to school as of this time last year. Actually this time last year I had resigned myself to my realistic fate and here I have sat.
Why did I pick here? I have asked myself that countless times and I don't have a clear answer. I couldn't pay for the dream, I would have to wait for the back up, I didn't want the other back up, so I guess I just took here because I was running out of options? That sounds like a horrible reason to pick a school. I don't believe I deserve a lot in life, but I think i deserve the educational institution that I can be happy at. Either of the choices now I would be happy at I think. One would make my parents happy and their wallets, and I hate to say it but their opinion does mean a great deal to me. In the end though it is just one of the things I am considering.
The problem is a lot of people are waiting for me to decide and they have their personal opinions and I feel like I will let people down no matter what I choose. This includes one of my best friends in the world. I don't want to hurt her but I am leaning towards the other school. I love her and she knows that and if she needed me there I would go, but the fact is she has friends there and more coming. She will be fine. I hope she understands that if I choose the other one it is because I think it is what is best for me. I can't make this decision based on other people. I refuse to let money control me again, but in the end it is still a factor. This is about me and where I will be happy, healthy, and likely to succeed. I just need to keep telling myself this.
That's all for now.
Ta Ta
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
an avoidence
Hello,
I am tired in the thinking of no one particular thing way. I don't know if you know that feeling. This is why I write to organize my mind. I am also very warm.
I just got back from spring break but this isn't to say I went any where except home. It was nice. I just sat around and relaxed and did the little homework that was given. I watched a lot of T.V. at home, mainly because it was there and I was bored. I don't watch any T.V. here. No one really does. I watch movies online and I surf the web, but I mainly do homework and clean. I even work out some days.
Here I make to do lists and stick to them religiously. I have a calender on my computer that reminds me when things are due. At home I never feel I have to do anything and thus I just go on my whims. I like both ways of life. I love structure and setting small goals and accomplishing them, but I also love doing what I want when I want with the people I want to do things with.
Here I don't leave campus because it is such a self contained community. At home I drive everywhere because nothing is close. I love driving. It is one of my true joys, but I appreciate the convenience of every thing on campus.
This comparison could go on for days, but none of this is really what is in my head and that is worrying about having to make a decision and hurting peoples feelings. I want the let the chips fall as they may attitude but I don't think I can really adopt that for myself.
Ta Ta
I am tired in the thinking of no one particular thing way. I don't know if you know that feeling. This is why I write to organize my mind. I am also very warm.
I just got back from spring break but this isn't to say I went any where except home. It was nice. I just sat around and relaxed and did the little homework that was given. I watched a lot of T.V. at home, mainly because it was there and I was bored. I don't watch any T.V. here. No one really does. I watch movies online and I surf the web, but I mainly do homework and clean. I even work out some days.
Here I make to do lists and stick to them religiously. I have a calender on my computer that reminds me when things are due. At home I never feel I have to do anything and thus I just go on my whims. I like both ways of life. I love structure and setting small goals and accomplishing them, but I also love doing what I want when I want with the people I want to do things with.
Here I don't leave campus because it is such a self contained community. At home I drive everywhere because nothing is close. I love driving. It is one of my true joys, but I appreciate the convenience of every thing on campus.
This comparison could go on for days, but none of this is really what is in my head and that is worrying about having to make a decision and hurting peoples feelings. I want the let the chips fall as they may attitude but I don't think I can really adopt that for myself.
Ta Ta
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Huzzah for Aca Dec and Driving!
Hello,
So today I was driving back from Madison and thus I had a lot of time to think. My mind was wondering all over the place as it normally does, but seeing as I was coming from the State Academic Decathlon competition I was thinking about knowledge in general and this lead to religion (a place where my mind always seems to come back to).
Today there was a rare occurrence. It really only happens once a year in Wisconsin and for the past three years I have gone and this years was going to be no different. The Wisconsin Academic Decathlon State Tournament Super Quiz Relay was this afternoon. It really is amazing. I will try and explain it but I won't do it a hint of justice. Imagine if you will a theatre that seats close to a thousand people. The main floor seats (aka the seats the are flat on the ground) are gone except for a few rows at the back and 9 tables are set up. The teams are identified mainly by the fact that they are sitting together wearing the same shirts. The rest of the seats are filled with a few parents but mostly fans. Yes fans for a schools academic team. Large sections of people wearing shirts in support of their Academic Decathlon team, armed with large signs and even a few scattered instruments are lead by their mascots. They are extremely loud and the very enclosed space wasn't built for loud noises. The crowds are doing chants and songs and interact (negative by and large) with other schools crowds. The mascots take to fighting with one another. The place is packed and on the stage is one small podium and a large screen where the questions will be placed one at a time. The teams are sitting in reverse order of team rank, and it is easy to spot the new kids to the teams because they are for the most part extremely afraid of this whole spectacle. Soon the crowd is called to order by the director at the small podium and the whole place is introduced to the M.C. The M.C. reads off the rules and the 9th member of a 9 member team ascends the steps to the main floor and takes their seat at the designated spot. They are to answer five questions. They are only showed one at a time and are only given a few seconds to think it over mark their scantron and a separate piece of paper. The whole crowd is silent as they do this. A little bell goes off signaling the end of the time and all the students on the floor hold their pencils in the air, showing that they aren't cheating. The answer is revealed and the students who got the question right raise their hand in the air signaling to their crowd that they got it right. This sets of a shock wave of cheering that no basketball player has ever heard. It is so deafening that the newbies jump in their seats. This is repeated for all five of the 9th team members questions and then the team member leaves and all of his team have moved down a seat and he takes his place, thankful to be done. The 8th member goes down and this whole thing is repeated, and then the 7th and then the 6th etc.
Maybe it is because I was on one of those teams, maybe because I was also in sports, but I can't help but love that their is this recognition of geeks. I remember the panicked feeling of knowing your turn to answer questions in front of that huge crowd was coming up. I remember the difficulty of the questions even though you have been studying for months. I remember hearing the crowd cheer for those around you and not for you when you got one wrong, and I remember hearing them cheer when you go one right. I loved all of it and to be a spectator this time was weird. I watched my old teammates go up and answer. I thought as they got to their last question how it would be the last question in Decathlon that they will ever answer. Then I selfishly thought of my last question and how I hadn't thought about it at the time. I was simply glad to be done and watching my teammates. I wished for that last question back so I could savor all of it. It made me almost want to cry.
I realized on the way back that Decathlon wasn't just an after school activity but a way of life. Your team members became part of your family and you knew a lot about them. You were encouraged to study and were part of a group that enjoyed it so their wasn't a fear of being a geek but more of a revelation in that fact. You were expected to go to college and do well because you had the skills to far exceed the colleges standards. You were closely watched so any slip up was noticed and addressed. You spent time out of practice with your teammates and they never really got annoying. Basically everyday from September to March you went to practice after school and from March to June you didn't know what to do with yourself after school and ended up just returning to the practice room even for a few minutes so that you felt normal.
Knowledge is so loved by the teams and the fans that it really does impress me. I love it too much right along with them. There are days when I would rather study than anything just because that is the mind set I am in. This is slightly reminiscent of a pin that I picked up at the feminist book store in Madison that reads "Reading is Sexy!". There were some other pins I picked up but I left the ones attacking religion alone. Maybe this is because of the people I was with but more than likely it was because I don't like people who bash or criticize others religion.
This got me thinking about my religion which really doesn't exist. I have been asked in the past if that doesn't make the entire world seem grim. After thinking about it I think most human made things are miracles in one way or another. Think about it. Think about a light bulb, something that we use everyday. It took years to figure that out, hundreds of failed attempts, and now they are mass produced by machines that we have figured out how to make. The light bulb seems so simple to most of us and after thinking on it the idea of how long it took to conceive and get right boggles my mind. Then I thought on why this boggles me, and I have decided it is because knowledge is the ultimate gift, though life is nice too. We pass down knowledge from one generation to the next. The new generation picks it part, weeds out the wrong and no longer useful things, adds their own research, ties it up in a nice bundle and hands it off to the next generation. We have had the light bulb explained, we didn't have to conceive it. We have simply been building from there, just adding on. It is rare that a completely new idea comes around that isn't built off of something else, and that is because we have passed on knowledge and each generation has more than the one before and can do more. I love knowledge. Maybe I am just a Knowledgeist.
That was a lot of writing and I have more to say but I will save it. Thanks for reading.
Ta Ta
So today I was driving back from Madison and thus I had a lot of time to think. My mind was wondering all over the place as it normally does, but seeing as I was coming from the State Academic Decathlon competition I was thinking about knowledge in general and this lead to religion (a place where my mind always seems to come back to).
Today there was a rare occurrence. It really only happens once a year in Wisconsin and for the past three years I have gone and this years was going to be no different. The Wisconsin Academic Decathlon State Tournament Super Quiz Relay was this afternoon. It really is amazing. I will try and explain it but I won't do it a hint of justice. Imagine if you will a theatre that seats close to a thousand people. The main floor seats (aka the seats the are flat on the ground) are gone except for a few rows at the back and 9 tables are set up. The teams are identified mainly by the fact that they are sitting together wearing the same shirts. The rest of the seats are filled with a few parents but mostly fans. Yes fans for a schools academic team. Large sections of people wearing shirts in support of their Academic Decathlon team, armed with large signs and even a few scattered instruments are lead by their mascots. They are extremely loud and the very enclosed space wasn't built for loud noises. The crowds are doing chants and songs and interact (negative by and large) with other schools crowds. The mascots take to fighting with one another. The place is packed and on the stage is one small podium and a large screen where the questions will be placed one at a time. The teams are sitting in reverse order of team rank, and it is easy to spot the new kids to the teams because they are for the most part extremely afraid of this whole spectacle. Soon the crowd is called to order by the director at the small podium and the whole place is introduced to the M.C. The M.C. reads off the rules and the 9th member of a 9 member team ascends the steps to the main floor and takes their seat at the designated spot. They are to answer five questions. They are only showed one at a time and are only given a few seconds to think it over mark their scantron and a separate piece of paper. The whole crowd is silent as they do this. A little bell goes off signaling the end of the time and all the students on the floor hold their pencils in the air, showing that they aren't cheating. The answer is revealed and the students who got the question right raise their hand in the air signaling to their crowd that they got it right. This sets of a shock wave of cheering that no basketball player has ever heard. It is so deafening that the newbies jump in their seats. This is repeated for all five of the 9th team members questions and then the team member leaves and all of his team have moved down a seat and he takes his place, thankful to be done. The 8th member goes down and this whole thing is repeated, and then the 7th and then the 6th etc.
Maybe it is because I was on one of those teams, maybe because I was also in sports, but I can't help but love that their is this recognition of geeks. I remember the panicked feeling of knowing your turn to answer questions in front of that huge crowd was coming up. I remember the difficulty of the questions even though you have been studying for months. I remember hearing the crowd cheer for those around you and not for you when you got one wrong, and I remember hearing them cheer when you go one right. I loved all of it and to be a spectator this time was weird. I watched my old teammates go up and answer. I thought as they got to their last question how it would be the last question in Decathlon that they will ever answer. Then I selfishly thought of my last question and how I hadn't thought about it at the time. I was simply glad to be done and watching my teammates. I wished for that last question back so I could savor all of it. It made me almost want to cry.
I realized on the way back that Decathlon wasn't just an after school activity but a way of life. Your team members became part of your family and you knew a lot about them. You were encouraged to study and were part of a group that enjoyed it so their wasn't a fear of being a geek but more of a revelation in that fact. You were expected to go to college and do well because you had the skills to far exceed the colleges standards. You were closely watched so any slip up was noticed and addressed. You spent time out of practice with your teammates and they never really got annoying. Basically everyday from September to March you went to practice after school and from March to June you didn't know what to do with yourself after school and ended up just returning to the practice room even for a few minutes so that you felt normal.
Knowledge is so loved by the teams and the fans that it really does impress me. I love it too much right along with them. There are days when I would rather study than anything just because that is the mind set I am in. This is slightly reminiscent of a pin that I picked up at the feminist book store in Madison that reads "Reading is Sexy!". There were some other pins I picked up but I left the ones attacking religion alone. Maybe this is because of the people I was with but more than likely it was because I don't like people who bash or criticize others religion.
This got me thinking about my religion which really doesn't exist. I have been asked in the past if that doesn't make the entire world seem grim. After thinking about it I think most human made things are miracles in one way or another. Think about it. Think about a light bulb, something that we use everyday. It took years to figure that out, hundreds of failed attempts, and now they are mass produced by machines that we have figured out how to make. The light bulb seems so simple to most of us and after thinking on it the idea of how long it took to conceive and get right boggles my mind. Then I thought on why this boggles me, and I have decided it is because knowledge is the ultimate gift, though life is nice too. We pass down knowledge from one generation to the next. The new generation picks it part, weeds out the wrong and no longer useful things, adds their own research, ties it up in a nice bundle and hands it off to the next generation. We have had the light bulb explained, we didn't have to conceive it. We have simply been building from there, just adding on. It is rare that a completely new idea comes around that isn't built off of something else, and that is because we have passed on knowledge and each generation has more than the one before and can do more. I love knowledge. Maybe I am just a Knowledgeist.
That was a lot of writing and I have more to say but I will save it. Thanks for reading.
Ta Ta
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
The Headlines
Hello,
Today I woke up seemingly unaffected by all of the events of yesterday. Two very important things happened there was the ever so important announcement that my beloved Brett Favre is retiring, and that pesky little primary thing. This is the order. The newspapers even had it correct. Large pictures of Brett and long stories on the front pages and then a little bit on the side about the primaries.
I am not sure how to feel about Brett leaving. OK so he is almost forty and I didn't expect him to play forever, it is just that he got his second wind so to speak and I thought next year we would see Favre training Rodgers and maybe some more Rodgers playing time and it would be a smooth transition. No, not happening, he is just leaving. This leave more time for him and I to have a tryst, but I still would like to see him play. I happen to love that man. Always have always will. Rodgers has some huge shoes to fill and he will fail if we continue to compare them. So lets give him his own shot shall we?
Now the primary.... What the fuck? I say this not because Huckabee didn't get the hint before McCain got the actual nomination, or because Hillary made a come back, I say this because everyone seems so emotionally attached. Here are my opinions. Huckabee didn't get the hint and that is OK, I mean he was only a thousand electoral votes behind McCain. Leave him alone he is gone and he tried which is more than you can say. Hillary made a push and it worked. We all saw her pushing and trying. This is America people, we saw her as an underdog and we cheer for the underdog. She isn't the underdog as much any more. Obama has charisma but lets face it you can't ride on that forever. Hillary also went for the younger vote by appearing the night before via broadcast on the Daily Show which could have really helped her. It is a tight race and at this point if you are a democrat be glad that all of the focus is on the dems. that is what gets more votes and wins elections. The differences between Hillary and Obama aren't that vast. They both want universal health care. Here is the difference: Hillary wants you to be required to buy it (which is like fixing the homeless problem by requiring everyone to live in a house) and Obama is only giving it to children (which most states already have some form of and is a big fuck you to all the people voting for him that think they will get health care). The problem is that neither are telling you how the government is going to pay for it. This would cost billions upon billions of dollars to do either of these and the fact is we are in tremendous debt and in a recession. Neither of them will lay down clear exit plans but that in my opinion is wrong. The way I really see it is you can't just go on hope without experience because nothing will get done and you can't go on experience without hope because then nothing great will get done. Neither one is a complete package. Neither one is comparable to JFK or Lincoln or Jefferson or Washington. Greatness is not to be projected for the future but to be reflected on after it is achieved. Those are my main thoughts on that. Disagree if you like, you won't change my mind but that doesn't mean my mind is closed.
Ta Ta
Today I woke up seemingly unaffected by all of the events of yesterday. Two very important things happened there was the ever so important announcement that my beloved Brett Favre is retiring, and that pesky little primary thing. This is the order. The newspapers even had it correct. Large pictures of Brett and long stories on the front pages and then a little bit on the side about the primaries.
I am not sure how to feel about Brett leaving. OK so he is almost forty and I didn't expect him to play forever, it is just that he got his second wind so to speak and I thought next year we would see Favre training Rodgers and maybe some more Rodgers playing time and it would be a smooth transition. No, not happening, he is just leaving. This leave more time for him and I to have a tryst, but I still would like to see him play. I happen to love that man. Always have always will. Rodgers has some huge shoes to fill and he will fail if we continue to compare them. So lets give him his own shot shall we?
Now the primary.... What the fuck? I say this not because Huckabee didn't get the hint before McCain got the actual nomination, or because Hillary made a come back, I say this because everyone seems so emotionally attached. Here are my opinions. Huckabee didn't get the hint and that is OK, I mean he was only a thousand electoral votes behind McCain. Leave him alone he is gone and he tried which is more than you can say. Hillary made a push and it worked. We all saw her pushing and trying. This is America people, we saw her as an underdog and we cheer for the underdog. She isn't the underdog as much any more. Obama has charisma but lets face it you can't ride on that forever. Hillary also went for the younger vote by appearing the night before via broadcast on the Daily Show which could have really helped her. It is a tight race and at this point if you are a democrat be glad that all of the focus is on the dems. that is what gets more votes and wins elections. The differences between Hillary and Obama aren't that vast. They both want universal health care. Here is the difference: Hillary wants you to be required to buy it (which is like fixing the homeless problem by requiring everyone to live in a house) and Obama is only giving it to children (which most states already have some form of and is a big fuck you to all the people voting for him that think they will get health care). The problem is that neither are telling you how the government is going to pay for it. This would cost billions upon billions of dollars to do either of these and the fact is we are in tremendous debt and in a recession. Neither of them will lay down clear exit plans but that in my opinion is wrong. The way I really see it is you can't just go on hope without experience because nothing will get done and you can't go on experience without hope because then nothing great will get done. Neither one is a complete package. Neither one is comparable to JFK or Lincoln or Jefferson or Washington. Greatness is not to be projected for the future but to be reflected on after it is achieved. Those are my main thoughts on that. Disagree if you like, you won't change my mind but that doesn't mean my mind is closed.
Ta Ta
Snow again????
Hello,
It is snowing here and I hope it isn't there. I just thought about it and I consider March a spring month and not one in which there should be snow falling from the sky. I consider Feb. as a winter month and it is OK for it to snow then. Just not in march. So six days ago this would have been fine by me but now it is just bothering me. This is added to some other issues that I have been trying to avoid but have now come to a head.
According to my Google updater thingy (it is on the side of my desktop and has a note pad, a people magazine updater, a general news updater, and the simple weather does anyone know what this is called?) it is 21 degrees F. Right now. I must admit that this is actually rather warm for up here, seeing as this winter it was -30s. But even though it is starting to warm up it is snowing and I am inclined to think this will never stop. Any time it starts to warm up something like this goes and happens. I need to go someplace warmer.
Speaking of leaving I need to finish my transfer stuff for La Crosse and I am waiting to hear from Madison. Madison is being slow about the whole thing and I wish that they would make up their minds one way or another. I hate this waiting, this sitting on edge. I also have to fill out and hand in my housing stuff for next year in case I don't get into the other schools. This includes a $200 advance. I am really opposed to giving them this. $200 for a place I don't want to be and that if I get in someplace else I will only get at the most $150 back. So in essence I will have paid them $50 at the least to do nothing. I am really not OK with that seeing as I don't want to be here and it makes me bitter towards them. Don't they know the economy is in a recession? And it is. All economic indicators point to this, so how are people ignoring it. Again this isn't something you can just ignore and have it just go away. Where is Greenspan when you need him?
That's all for now. I promise more on the election later.
Ta Ta
It is snowing here and I hope it isn't there. I just thought about it and I consider March a spring month and not one in which there should be snow falling from the sky. I consider Feb. as a winter month and it is OK for it to snow then. Just not in march. So six days ago this would have been fine by me but now it is just bothering me. This is added to some other issues that I have been trying to avoid but have now come to a head.
According to my Google updater thingy (it is on the side of my desktop and has a note pad, a people magazine updater, a general news updater, and the simple weather does anyone know what this is called?) it is 21 degrees F. Right now. I must admit that this is actually rather warm for up here, seeing as this winter it was -30s. But even though it is starting to warm up it is snowing and I am inclined to think this will never stop. Any time it starts to warm up something like this goes and happens. I need to go someplace warmer.
Speaking of leaving I need to finish my transfer stuff for La Crosse and I am waiting to hear from Madison. Madison is being slow about the whole thing and I wish that they would make up their minds one way or another. I hate this waiting, this sitting on edge. I also have to fill out and hand in my housing stuff for next year in case I don't get into the other schools. This includes a $200 advance. I am really opposed to giving them this. $200 for a place I don't want to be and that if I get in someplace else I will only get at the most $150 back. So in essence I will have paid them $50 at the least to do nothing. I am really not OK with that seeing as I don't want to be here and it makes me bitter towards them. Don't they know the economy is in a recession? And it is. All economic indicators point to this, so how are people ignoring it. Again this isn't something you can just ignore and have it just go away. Where is Greenspan when you need him?
That's all for now. I promise more on the election later.
Ta Ta
Friday, February 29, 2008
My Love/Hate Relationship with Writing
Hello,
As you may assume I kind of like writing. I feel it is an excellent way to organize thoughts, communicate, and tell stories. The fact is that while I like writing it doesn't always like me, and my main problem is always getting started. That is why I write this in letter for because all you need to start is to say hello and then introduce the topic.
Seeing as I am in college it is easy to assume that I do a lot of writing. I would have to say that because of my major and thus the classes I take I actually do very little writing. The only classes that I have to write for are Women's Studies and Intro to Theatre. There is also one major flaw with my style/voice of writing, some people love it and some people hate it. My English teacher in high school hated it, my friends loved it, my history teachers loved it, my french teacher hated me.
Here is a classic example.
My two most recent writings were for the above mentioned classes. I had to write a review of a play and some in class essays on how media can induce more violence against women. I really tried on my in class essays. I put my thoughts supported by some reasonable facts. I had at least okay intros and very strong closing statements. I chose the questions that I would be able to write the most about and I didn't hesitate to say what I thought. They were well organized thought out essays. I haven't gotten them back but I doubt if I get higher than a B-. The teacher for that class hates my style of writing. She hates how I construct sentences and paragraphs. I think in general she hates the voice that comes across in my papers. I will keep doing my best and hope that I get the grade I want.
On the other hand my Intro to Theatre teacher asked us to see a play and then write a review. Well I love plays so I went. I hate starting to write so I put off writing the review until the night before it was due. This happened to be a week later. I sat down and typed up the two pages in less than half an hour. I was tired so I didn't spell or grammar check it. I just printed it out and handed it in. When I got it back I got a 29/30 because of two spelling mistakes. The teacher wrote that my writing was superb and that she looked forward to reading more of my reviews.
So I have no idea what to think about my writing. I suck at spelling and hate starting to write but once I start writing I hate to stop. None of this goes along with my major, seeing as I want to be a doctor. So far in the Pre-med field there is very little writing. So what is a girl to do?
On an unrelated note I just got 5 tee shirts for $8. I love being me, at least sometimes.
Here is the "superb" paper:
If the actors of UMD’s “A Flea in Her Ear” were looking to make the audience laugh, then they have surely succeeded. This French bedroom farce of Georges Feydeaus was brought to life on the UMD thrust stage these past weeks, but this time with a twist. The director decided, and aptly so, that instead of setting the play in its original 1700’s this play would be set in the mid 1920’s.
The actors’ body language and movement, while in high speed, where in perfect harmony with the setting and the play. The speech was supposed to be in stage standard, and most actors executed this with little difficulty. The fast past speech and movement combined with the volume at certain parts of the play sometimes led to all words being lost, and no coherent sentences being formed. This was one of the few things that could jolt one from being enraptured in this enchanting play and pulled back to reality. The characterization was for the most part spot on. The speech and body language all compiled together to make you believe that the actors were in fact the character. The main characters did a wonderful job, but it was the supporting cast that made the show truly complete. The added touch of having the stage crew dressed as servants may have been the added touch that keep the whole show flowing even through scene changes.
The scenery was excellent. From the main house to the Pretty Pussy Inn they were nearly flawless down to the last detail. The simplicity of the house with the opening top window for the maid added just another opportunity to laugh. This simple format with only a few chairs, a desk and a bar, made the entire focus of the audience stay on the words and the movements, as it should be for such a fast paced and linguistically hysterical play. The Pretty Pussy Inn was far more complex, as it should be because this is where the plot really thickens and all characters get themselves tangled up in one monster of a mess that lends only to laughter at the situational and dramatic irony. The lighting only lended to the richness of the sets and the music matched seamlessly to each scene or situation. All in all if the actors weren’t there the stages themselves and the music accompanying them were masterful enough to still attend.
The costumes on the other had done little to impress me. The men were dressed well enough to not lend to too much criticism. In the end how wrong can you go putting the men in suits and ties? The women, however, had vastly unflattering dresses that did nothing to enhance the scenes or even the overall theme. While the actor’s hair and makeup were in order, it was really the costumes that at times seemed rather cartoonish, or even childish. I fear that except for the men in suits the rest simply looked as if they were children playing dress up. This isn’t to say that the costumes didn’t fit, because each one seemed to have been tailor made to the character. It is just that the costumes were at times too comical or disjointed with the setting to allow the suspension of disbelief to continue.
In the end it is a play worth seeing for anyone who desires a good belly laugh. Not a soul in the performance I attended didn’t laugh at least once. I can never walk away from a play that made me laugh with any large amount of malice towards it. The actors did a great job, except for the occasional yelled line that lost all comprehensive value. The scenes were worth the price of admission alone. The attention to detail, with the exception of the costumes, is in the spectrum of great to grand. When the play ended the only flea left in my ear was whispering about the costumes.
Ta Ta!
As you may assume I kind of like writing. I feel it is an excellent way to organize thoughts, communicate, and tell stories. The fact is that while I like writing it doesn't always like me, and my main problem is always getting started. That is why I write this in letter for because all you need to start is to say hello and then introduce the topic.
Seeing as I am in college it is easy to assume that I do a lot of writing. I would have to say that because of my major and thus the classes I take I actually do very little writing. The only classes that I have to write for are Women's Studies and Intro to Theatre. There is also one major flaw with my style/voice of writing, some people love it and some people hate it. My English teacher in high school hated it, my friends loved it, my history teachers loved it, my french teacher hated me.
Here is a classic example.
My two most recent writings were for the above mentioned classes. I had to write a review of a play and some in class essays on how media can induce more violence against women. I really tried on my in class essays. I put my thoughts supported by some reasonable facts. I had at least okay intros and very strong closing statements. I chose the questions that I would be able to write the most about and I didn't hesitate to say what I thought. They were well organized thought out essays. I haven't gotten them back but I doubt if I get higher than a B-. The teacher for that class hates my style of writing. She hates how I construct sentences and paragraphs. I think in general she hates the voice that comes across in my papers. I will keep doing my best and hope that I get the grade I want.
On the other hand my Intro to Theatre teacher asked us to see a play and then write a review. Well I love plays so I went. I hate starting to write so I put off writing the review until the night before it was due. This happened to be a week later. I sat down and typed up the two pages in less than half an hour. I was tired so I didn't spell or grammar check it. I just printed it out and handed it in. When I got it back I got a 29/30 because of two spelling mistakes. The teacher wrote that my writing was superb and that she looked forward to reading more of my reviews.
So I have no idea what to think about my writing. I suck at spelling and hate starting to write but once I start writing I hate to stop. None of this goes along with my major, seeing as I want to be a doctor. So far in the Pre-med field there is very little writing. So what is a girl to do?
On an unrelated note I just got 5 tee shirts for $8. I love being me, at least sometimes.
Here is the "superb" paper:
If the actors of UMD’s “A Flea in Her Ear” were looking to make the audience laugh, then they have surely succeeded. This French bedroom farce of Georges Feydeaus was brought to life on the UMD thrust stage these past weeks, but this time with a twist. The director decided, and aptly so, that instead of setting the play in its original 1700’s this play would be set in the mid 1920’s.
The actors’ body language and movement, while in high speed, where in perfect harmony with the setting and the play. The speech was supposed to be in stage standard, and most actors executed this with little difficulty. The fast past speech and movement combined with the volume at certain parts of the play sometimes led to all words being lost, and no coherent sentences being formed. This was one of the few things that could jolt one from being enraptured in this enchanting play and pulled back to reality. The characterization was for the most part spot on. The speech and body language all compiled together to make you believe that the actors were in fact the character. The main characters did a wonderful job, but it was the supporting cast that made the show truly complete. The added touch of having the stage crew dressed as servants may have been the added touch that keep the whole show flowing even through scene changes.
The scenery was excellent. From the main house to the Pretty Pussy Inn they were nearly flawless down to the last detail. The simplicity of the house with the opening top window for the maid added just another opportunity to laugh. This simple format with only a few chairs, a desk and a bar, made the entire focus of the audience stay on the words and the movements, as it should be for such a fast paced and linguistically hysterical play. The Pretty Pussy Inn was far more complex, as it should be because this is where the plot really thickens and all characters get themselves tangled up in one monster of a mess that lends only to laughter at the situational and dramatic irony. The lighting only lended to the richness of the sets and the music matched seamlessly to each scene or situation. All in all if the actors weren’t there the stages themselves and the music accompanying them were masterful enough to still attend.
The costumes on the other had done little to impress me. The men were dressed well enough to not lend to too much criticism. In the end how wrong can you go putting the men in suits and ties? The women, however, had vastly unflattering dresses that did nothing to enhance the scenes or even the overall theme. While the actor’s hair and makeup were in order, it was really the costumes that at times seemed rather cartoonish, or even childish. I fear that except for the men in suits the rest simply looked as if they were children playing dress up. This isn’t to say that the costumes didn’t fit, because each one seemed to have been tailor made to the character. It is just that the costumes were at times too comical or disjointed with the setting to allow the suspension of disbelief to continue.
In the end it is a play worth seeing for anyone who desires a good belly laugh. Not a soul in the performance I attended didn’t laugh at least once. I can never walk away from a play that made me laugh with any large amount of malice towards it. The actors did a great job, except for the occasional yelled line that lost all comprehensive value. The scenes were worth the price of admission alone. The attention to detail, with the exception of the costumes, is in the spectrum of great to grand. When the play ended the only flea left in my ear was whispering about the costumes.
Ta Ta!
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
kosovo and castro
Hello,
I am deeply interested these days in the whole Kosovo thing. Can't really explain why. For those of you who don't know this is what it is as explained to a friend of mine (sorry Cari): in Serbia (which used to be part of Russia but broke away and is still allied with Russia) there is a little providence called Kosovo. This has its own government since it was attacked when we were just wee things. Anyway it has been kind of part of Serbia but not really ever since. It also has been under the watch of the UN so that Serbia ( by the way the people there are called serbs) doesn't pick on Kosovo. Well Kosovo has a large Albainian population. 90% of kosovo which is 2 million people are catholic or muslim. Anyway Kosovo was like fuck this shit not really being our own country and the US helped stop the fighting in the past so we are kind of like their friend so we are going to declare our independance and break away from Serbia. Well as all of our history classes have taught us declaring independance isn't really a well excepted thing by the mother country. Serbia wanted to do something about it but they have like no say in the UN and they don't want to provoke the UN so they ran to their allie Russia who is part of the UN. Russia was like (in russian accecnt) fuk das hoes! and called an emergancy meeting ot the UN security councill and said the way they broke away was illegal. But nothing really came from this meeting. America being a simpathetic nation wants to support Kosovo but also doesn't really want to fuck with Russia because well we have a history. Well as you may or maynot know to actually be considered a country after declaring independance a few other countries have to say that you are indepandant (which I mean come on what the fuck is that law? it seems very wishy washy). Well the european union got together and most of them (well our allies at least) said kosovo is its own country and then the US said it was too because hey our allies did it so if Russia starts fucking with them we are in this anyways. Russia and Serbia haven't responded yet but I think it will be a big UN issue/debate, but might get underscored in the US by Castro stepping down. It won't turn out to be too big of a thing because Kosovo is a third the size of belgium. But when the ethnic Albainians were celebrating the independance they not only were waving albainian flags but also US flags (though this might have been to get us on their side in this whole thing because who the fuck doesn't want America looking out for them when they declare independance). As it stands UN troops and international police are still their but working over time because the serbs are a little ticked and ended up bombing the US embassy but they really didn't get that close to it so the builing is pretty much ok and no one was hurt. Thats pretty much it in a nut shell.
Let me know what you all think of this by leaving a comment. Feel free to do your own research this is just my very biased opinion.
Castro, Castro, Castro. What are we to do. We spend years trying to take him out, we even try killing him but aparently he is a little more crafty than Saddam because it never worked. Well very early today Castro suposidly sent out a letter saying that because of his old age and poor health he will step down. The US was like hell yeah, since we couldn't take him out we just waited until he was too old and he took himself out. The only catch here is that he is handing his title down to his brother, who lets face it may be more of a wack job than Castro. His brother is 76 however so if we don't like him we can just wait a few years, because apparently the Castro family can't leave politics of a barely surviving socalist country alone even if they have to control the country from hospital beds with tri-focals and hearing aids and dialasis.
Well all of this is if you believe that Castro is even alive, which most conservatives these days are doubting. They think he is dead because well, we haven't seen him in person in half a year. All of the evidence that he is still alive is in the form of letters and photographs. Conservatives say that these can be doctored up, which they can, and that Castro's younger brother is making them so that Castro seems alive so his accent to power is easier. My opinion is that at this point Castro being alive or dead is a moot point. Really he has stepped down so let him retire or rest in peace. We need to start worrying about his brother and also making a campaign to over throw the Castro family dictatorship. No don't get me wrong, this doesn't nessecarily mean implimenting democracy, it just means getting someone reasonable in the possision of power. Again please I love disscussing this stuff so let me know what you think.
I think Kosovo and Castro might be too simular of words for Bush and this could really get him fucked up. This could be fun. He should be making a speech soon in the next few days seeing as he has actually left the country and will be back and feel over shadowed by the primaries and the corresponding canidates. I really would like to hear Bush say that he supports McCain because then no one will vote for him.
I also would like to hear the canidates views on Castro and Kosovo. They will, however, ignore these issues along with the US debt to mainly China and how they sujest minimizing if not eliminating that debt so that one day China doesn't just call in our debt and we are left fucked over and completely broke, if even that would pay for it, making China more of a super power. Or how about the recession that many economists think we are in and the downward spiral that may soon follow. Are we really, even under the Bush administration, just going to ignore it and hope it goes away? This is not ok. Give me government works, give me anything but war. War is supposed to spark the economy but lets face it every one we are in a war and a ressecion and just going down. We need action and fast. This could mean ending the war. We have heard all of the canidates views on the war, and many want to bring the troops home soon. I, while against the war, am not sure this will help. If we leave before Iraq has legs to stand on it will fall into some other dictators hands and we will be back where we started. The problem is that we have given Iraq plenty of time to set up their own government and find their own diplomatic legs to stand on. We have been training their army, but few want to join the army. They want to lean on the US for as long as they can. We need to start showing them they need to learn how be their own independant country again. This is done by the slow but steady withdrawl of troops. Just because we pull some troops and some violence breaks out, doesn't mean we have to send those troops back. We need to tell the Iraq army to start taking care of it. We need to put out those add campains inspiring the Iraq people to fight for their country. We continue to withdraw until we have only a few hundred troops and army trainers there. Then we leave and let them know we are watching and will help when absolutly neccesary. Just like parents have to do with their children. We then have an allie that won't drain our economy and spirits. This plan is in the best of hopes, and thus is flawed but I think the idea is sound.
Sorry for those who thought this was too political and boring. I get like this sometimes.
Ta Ta.
I am deeply interested these days in the whole Kosovo thing. Can't really explain why. For those of you who don't know this is what it is as explained to a friend of mine (sorry Cari): in Serbia (which used to be part of Russia but broke away and is still allied with Russia) there is a little providence called Kosovo. This has its own government since it was attacked when we were just wee things. Anyway it has been kind of part of Serbia but not really ever since. It also has been under the watch of the UN so that Serbia ( by the way the people there are called serbs) doesn't pick on Kosovo. Well Kosovo has a large Albainian population. 90% of kosovo which is 2 million people are catholic or muslim. Anyway Kosovo was like fuck this shit not really being our own country and the US helped stop the fighting in the past so we are kind of like their friend so we are going to declare our independance and break away from Serbia. Well as all of our history classes have taught us declaring independance isn't really a well excepted thing by the mother country. Serbia wanted to do something about it but they have like no say in the UN and they don't want to provoke the UN so they ran to their allie Russia who is part of the UN. Russia was like (in russian accecnt) fuk das hoes! and called an emergancy meeting ot the UN security councill and said the way they broke away was illegal. But nothing really came from this meeting. America being a simpathetic nation wants to support Kosovo but also doesn't really want to fuck with Russia because well we have a history. Well as you may or maynot know to actually be considered a country after declaring independance a few other countries have to say that you are indepandant (which I mean come on what the fuck is that law? it seems very wishy washy). Well the european union got together and most of them (well our allies at least) said kosovo is its own country and then the US said it was too because hey our allies did it so if Russia starts fucking with them we are in this anyways. Russia and Serbia haven't responded yet but I think it will be a big UN issue/debate, but might get underscored in the US by Castro stepping down. It won't turn out to be too big of a thing because Kosovo is a third the size of belgium. But when the ethnic Albainians were celebrating the independance they not only were waving albainian flags but also US flags (though this might have been to get us on their side in this whole thing because who the fuck doesn't want America looking out for them when they declare independance). As it stands UN troops and international police are still their but working over time because the serbs are a little ticked and ended up bombing the US embassy but they really didn't get that close to it so the builing is pretty much ok and no one was hurt. Thats pretty much it in a nut shell.
Let me know what you all think of this by leaving a comment. Feel free to do your own research this is just my very biased opinion.
Castro, Castro, Castro. What are we to do. We spend years trying to take him out, we even try killing him but aparently he is a little more crafty than Saddam because it never worked. Well very early today Castro suposidly sent out a letter saying that because of his old age and poor health he will step down. The US was like hell yeah, since we couldn't take him out we just waited until he was too old and he took himself out. The only catch here is that he is handing his title down to his brother, who lets face it may be more of a wack job than Castro. His brother is 76 however so if we don't like him we can just wait a few years, because apparently the Castro family can't leave politics of a barely surviving socalist country alone even if they have to control the country from hospital beds with tri-focals and hearing aids and dialasis.
Well all of this is if you believe that Castro is even alive, which most conservatives these days are doubting. They think he is dead because well, we haven't seen him in person in half a year. All of the evidence that he is still alive is in the form of letters and photographs. Conservatives say that these can be doctored up, which they can, and that Castro's younger brother is making them so that Castro seems alive so his accent to power is easier. My opinion is that at this point Castro being alive or dead is a moot point. Really he has stepped down so let him retire or rest in peace. We need to start worrying about his brother and also making a campaign to over throw the Castro family dictatorship. No don't get me wrong, this doesn't nessecarily mean implimenting democracy, it just means getting someone reasonable in the possision of power. Again please I love disscussing this stuff so let me know what you think.
I think Kosovo and Castro might be too simular of words for Bush and this could really get him fucked up. This could be fun. He should be making a speech soon in the next few days seeing as he has actually left the country and will be back and feel over shadowed by the primaries and the corresponding canidates. I really would like to hear Bush say that he supports McCain because then no one will vote for him.
I also would like to hear the canidates views on Castro and Kosovo. They will, however, ignore these issues along with the US debt to mainly China and how they sujest minimizing if not eliminating that debt so that one day China doesn't just call in our debt and we are left fucked over and completely broke, if even that would pay for it, making China more of a super power. Or how about the recession that many economists think we are in and the downward spiral that may soon follow. Are we really, even under the Bush administration, just going to ignore it and hope it goes away? This is not ok. Give me government works, give me anything but war. War is supposed to spark the economy but lets face it every one we are in a war and a ressecion and just going down. We need action and fast. This could mean ending the war. We have heard all of the canidates views on the war, and many want to bring the troops home soon. I, while against the war, am not sure this will help. If we leave before Iraq has legs to stand on it will fall into some other dictators hands and we will be back where we started. The problem is that we have given Iraq plenty of time to set up their own government and find their own diplomatic legs to stand on. We have been training their army, but few want to join the army. They want to lean on the US for as long as they can. We need to start showing them they need to learn how be their own independant country again. This is done by the slow but steady withdrawl of troops. Just because we pull some troops and some violence breaks out, doesn't mean we have to send those troops back. We need to tell the Iraq army to start taking care of it. We need to put out those add campains inspiring the Iraq people to fight for their country. We continue to withdraw until we have only a few hundred troops and army trainers there. Then we leave and let them know we are watching and will help when absolutly neccesary. Just like parents have to do with their children. We then have an allie that won't drain our economy and spirits. This plan is in the best of hopes, and thus is flawed but I think the idea is sound.
Sorry for those who thought this was too political and boring. I get like this sometimes.
Ta Ta.
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Memory
Hello,
It is strange how memory works. It calls itself up at the strangest times. There are many theroies on memory and there are many studies being done. I am going to lend my amature thoughts.
They say that sent is the strongest sense tied to memory. If you smell something that you smelled at an event three years ago, you tend to think about that event. But what about something you grew up smelling? What does that remind you of? My answer emotion.
Here are my examples:
The last time I went home I did my laundry at home. This isn't really a big deal because it is free at college too, but I like doing it at home. The one thing home has that I don't at school is real fabric softener, the kind you pour in. This stuff works much better than the dryer sheets. Anyways, as I was getting ready for bed I happened to smell my pajamas. They smelled like my house and the fabric softener my family uses. We have used it my entire life. When my mom did laundry it filled the house. When she tucked me into bed as a little kid her clothes smelled of it. Eachday for 18 years when I put on my clothes I smelled it, and when my clothes didn't smell of it I would through them into my hamper to be washed. But when I smelled this I didn't think really of all those times. I didn't remember spacific events. I felt. When I smelled the fabric softener I instantaneously felt. I felt comfortable. I felt love. I felt the way I do when I first get home, or the way I felt when I would sit on the sofa doing homework, or even my moms hug. It makes me miss home a little, but really the smell just makes me want to smile.
My aunt on my dad's side also has a particular smell. I love it. Some times I smell other women wearing that same sent and it makes me think of her and her kind smile and big hugs. I hope one day when I am an aunt my neices and nephews think the same of my perfume.
Sights are a great reminder also.
Last night my roommate was sick and we had to take her to the E.R. She is ok, but if you were at all concerend that means you are a good person. As I sat in the waiting room I watched a mother stroking her daughters hair. The mom had genuine concern on her face but she wasn't showing that to her teenage daughter. The daughter leaned her head on her mom's shoulder and they sat that way until the daughter put her head in her moms lap. The whole time her mom was very caring but calm. She let her teenaged daughter be in pain and act like she was young. This reminded me of when my mom would take me into the hospital and wait with me. She would comfort me and talk to me. She would stroke my hair or hold my hand. She didn't care that it was 11 at night or that she had to sit in an uncomfortable waiting room. She didn't care that I was complaining or even sometimes too old to act like I needed to be taken care of. I was her daughter and I was sick or hurt and that all she cared about. All she cared about was me. How do you thank someone for that? Grateful isn't the word. That word fails in comparison to what I feel. She was there through everything holding my hand and letting me act like I felt was nessicary. She loved intensely and unconditionally. How do you thank some one for that?
That is all for now.
Ta ta
It is strange how memory works. It calls itself up at the strangest times. There are many theroies on memory and there are many studies being done. I am going to lend my amature thoughts.
They say that sent is the strongest sense tied to memory. If you smell something that you smelled at an event three years ago, you tend to think about that event. But what about something you grew up smelling? What does that remind you of? My answer emotion.
Here are my examples:
The last time I went home I did my laundry at home. This isn't really a big deal because it is free at college too, but I like doing it at home. The one thing home has that I don't at school is real fabric softener, the kind you pour in. This stuff works much better than the dryer sheets. Anyways, as I was getting ready for bed I happened to smell my pajamas. They smelled like my house and the fabric softener my family uses. We have used it my entire life. When my mom did laundry it filled the house. When she tucked me into bed as a little kid her clothes smelled of it. Eachday for 18 years when I put on my clothes I smelled it, and when my clothes didn't smell of it I would through them into my hamper to be washed. But when I smelled this I didn't think really of all those times. I didn't remember spacific events. I felt. When I smelled the fabric softener I instantaneously felt. I felt comfortable. I felt love. I felt the way I do when I first get home, or the way I felt when I would sit on the sofa doing homework, or even my moms hug. It makes me miss home a little, but really the smell just makes me want to smile.
My aunt on my dad's side also has a particular smell. I love it. Some times I smell other women wearing that same sent and it makes me think of her and her kind smile and big hugs. I hope one day when I am an aunt my neices and nephews think the same of my perfume.
Sights are a great reminder also.
Last night my roommate was sick and we had to take her to the E.R. She is ok, but if you were at all concerend that means you are a good person. As I sat in the waiting room I watched a mother stroking her daughters hair. The mom had genuine concern on her face but she wasn't showing that to her teenage daughter. The daughter leaned her head on her mom's shoulder and they sat that way until the daughter put her head in her moms lap. The whole time her mom was very caring but calm. She let her teenaged daughter be in pain and act like she was young. This reminded me of when my mom would take me into the hospital and wait with me. She would comfort me and talk to me. She would stroke my hair or hold my hand. She didn't care that it was 11 at night or that she had to sit in an uncomfortable waiting room. She didn't care that I was complaining or even sometimes too old to act like I needed to be taken care of. I was her daughter and I was sick or hurt and that all she cared about. All she cared about was me. How do you thank someone for that? Grateful isn't the word. That word fails in comparison to what I feel. She was there through everything holding my hand and letting me act like I felt was nessicary. She loved intensely and unconditionally. How do you thank some one for that?
That is all for now.
Ta ta
Monday, February 4, 2008
School and such
Hello,
So if you haven't figured it out yet, I am back at school. It isn't too different, really just new classes. Though I had an interesting experience with my dad's car. So I am just going to rant for a bit. Read if you want to, if not then...why did you come here?
So my classes are Intro to Theatre Arts, Calc for the Natural Sciences, Biology 2, and Women's Studies. Each has something to talk about. It is a 16 credit course load (for those of you who don't know an average course load, or at least I am told, is 15). So far it is not too bad, just a lot of reading.
Intro to Theatre has anywhere form 40-100 pages a week of reading. The teacher is ok, very perky and always has the sunny disposition. That is ok, just not for 9 am. She is pregnant so I think I am more intrested to see how big this very skinny lady will get. She has been on broadway a few times and loves all aspects of theatre which is good, but I am sorry for most of it I just don't care. I don't care how they make sets or where they make them. I just don't. I enjoy a good play, I really do, but this is for credit so I just want it over with. I did D.I. for 9 years so I guess that counts as acting but most of it was improv.
Calc for the Natural Sciences is ok. It is just what I thought it would be. I mainly get what has been taughts so far, though I struggled with discrete time dynamical systems. All is well now. The teacher has too many audible pauses for my taste however. It seems like every other word is um or ah. I can't stand it. I sit in the back so when I get something that she is teaching I just talk to John (the guy who I always sit by). He makes it easier to go to class.
Bio 2 is ok. I find the teacher a little annoying just in her voice and laugh and mannorisms. Othere than that its ok, except for I dislike my TA for lab and discussion. So really I just like the suject matter. While not really, we are studying plants. Those aren't my area bio. I just pretend that I am Cari and then I really enjoy it. Soon when we swithch teachers half way though and switch to animals I will enjoy it. I hear we get to disect a fetal pig. I have already done that so it will be smooth sailing.
Women's Studies is going to kill me. We have 70 to 150 pages a week. It is a three hour class once a week at night. The subject matter so far doesn't intrest me and it upsets me that just because I am a female I am supposed to agree with everything the teacher is saying. Here is my real hang up. I am not a feminist. I like men and the advances that they have given to human kind. I like that women have/are working for equality, but seeing as I am a middle class white woman in a mainly democratic state living in a college community, I don't really see much inequality. Sometimes I think that creates reverse discrimination. Here is what I think. To be completely fair and to give the best qualified individual the job/ entrance to college there should be no place to mark down your race or sex. This would mean that everyone has to work and compete with everyone to get what they want. That is the capitalist system, which from what I have taken in the feminists hate. I know it sucks for some but I do believe that those willing to work hard can get ahead.
Other than that life is ok. So here is the tire story. I was picked up by my father and we drove to the Twin Cities together. I dropped him off at the airport and took the car back. I got a flat tire. I heard the flat, it just came out of no where, so I pulled way over on the side of I-35 N. I could see the exit for the other side so I knew what mile marker I was at. Then I did what any rational person would do I called my mommy. She told me to call someone to get help, though I felt perfectly capable of changing the tire myself. I think she was leary of me doing that on the side of I-35, so she had me call the police who put me in touch with the state patrol who patched me over to a wreaker service. When the wreaker service came a man with one arm climbed out of the truck and changed my tire. The flat tire was on the passenger side in the back. He changed the tire, though I helped some and felt like a complete fool because I could have done it myself. So I then asked the guy where at 5:45 at night I could get a new tire, seeing as I didn't want to drive the 45 min back on the doughnut if I didn't have to. He directed me to a place 20 min away, if you drive the speed limit, but the guy told me not to do over 45 mph on the doughnut so it took me a bit longer and a muiltitude of cars honking or fliping me off. When I got to the tire place I met, to put it nicely, some interesting people. The guy behind the counter who apparently was running the place had all of three teeth. He came out and looked at the tire and told me they couldn't patch it and then he went to see if he had that tire in stock. He came back told me they didn't but could have it there in two days. I asked him if I could make it back on the doughnut and he said yes. So I went back driving between 40 and 50 mph. I made it back just fine except very slowly. The next day I called the honda dealership, and they told me to bring the car in. So I did and they told me that they would have to order a new tire, and that if I wanted to go some place else to get the tire that was fine but to make sure they were trained to deal with the computer inside the tire because its a new system and if they screw it up it will cost us a lot more. The honda place qouted me at 200 dollars. So I called around and found that the honda dealership had the best price and are the only ones that can deal with the computer thingy. So the tire will be here soon and they will call me as soon as it comes in. The whole thing was an experience. I was really pissed off that night but now find it all a little funny. Though I find it dishearting that only one person stopped when I was on the side of the road and he only offered to call someone for me, this is after I had called the wreaker.
That is all for now,
Ta Ta
So if you haven't figured it out yet, I am back at school. It isn't too different, really just new classes. Though I had an interesting experience with my dad's car. So I am just going to rant for a bit. Read if you want to, if not then...why did you come here?
So my classes are Intro to Theatre Arts, Calc for the Natural Sciences, Biology 2, and Women's Studies. Each has something to talk about. It is a 16 credit course load (for those of you who don't know an average course load, or at least I am told, is 15). So far it is not too bad, just a lot of reading.
Intro to Theatre has anywhere form 40-100 pages a week of reading. The teacher is ok, very perky and always has the sunny disposition. That is ok, just not for 9 am. She is pregnant so I think I am more intrested to see how big this very skinny lady will get. She has been on broadway a few times and loves all aspects of theatre which is good, but I am sorry for most of it I just don't care. I don't care how they make sets or where they make them. I just don't. I enjoy a good play, I really do, but this is for credit so I just want it over with. I did D.I. for 9 years so I guess that counts as acting but most of it was improv.
Calc for the Natural Sciences is ok. It is just what I thought it would be. I mainly get what has been taughts so far, though I struggled with discrete time dynamical systems. All is well now. The teacher has too many audible pauses for my taste however. It seems like every other word is um or ah. I can't stand it. I sit in the back so when I get something that she is teaching I just talk to John (the guy who I always sit by). He makes it easier to go to class.
Bio 2 is ok. I find the teacher a little annoying just in her voice and laugh and mannorisms. Othere than that its ok, except for I dislike my TA for lab and discussion. So really I just like the suject matter. While not really, we are studying plants. Those aren't my area bio. I just pretend that I am Cari and then I really enjoy it. Soon when we swithch teachers half way though and switch to animals I will enjoy it. I hear we get to disect a fetal pig. I have already done that so it will be smooth sailing.
Women's Studies is going to kill me. We have 70 to 150 pages a week. It is a three hour class once a week at night. The subject matter so far doesn't intrest me and it upsets me that just because I am a female I am supposed to agree with everything the teacher is saying. Here is my real hang up. I am not a feminist. I like men and the advances that they have given to human kind. I like that women have/are working for equality, but seeing as I am a middle class white woman in a mainly democratic state living in a college community, I don't really see much inequality. Sometimes I think that creates reverse discrimination. Here is what I think. To be completely fair and to give the best qualified individual the job/ entrance to college there should be no place to mark down your race or sex. This would mean that everyone has to work and compete with everyone to get what they want. That is the capitalist system, which from what I have taken in the feminists hate. I know it sucks for some but I do believe that those willing to work hard can get ahead.
Other than that life is ok. So here is the tire story. I was picked up by my father and we drove to the Twin Cities together. I dropped him off at the airport and took the car back. I got a flat tire. I heard the flat, it just came out of no where, so I pulled way over on the side of I-35 N. I could see the exit for the other side so I knew what mile marker I was at. Then I did what any rational person would do I called my mommy. She told me to call someone to get help, though I felt perfectly capable of changing the tire myself. I think she was leary of me doing that on the side of I-35, so she had me call the police who put me in touch with the state patrol who patched me over to a wreaker service. When the wreaker service came a man with one arm climbed out of the truck and changed my tire. The flat tire was on the passenger side in the back. He changed the tire, though I helped some and felt like a complete fool because I could have done it myself. So I then asked the guy where at 5:45 at night I could get a new tire, seeing as I didn't want to drive the 45 min back on the doughnut if I didn't have to. He directed me to a place 20 min away, if you drive the speed limit, but the guy told me not to do over 45 mph on the doughnut so it took me a bit longer and a muiltitude of cars honking or fliping me off. When I got to the tire place I met, to put it nicely, some interesting people. The guy behind the counter who apparently was running the place had all of three teeth. He came out and looked at the tire and told me they couldn't patch it and then he went to see if he had that tire in stock. He came back told me they didn't but could have it there in two days. I asked him if I could make it back on the doughnut and he said yes. So I went back driving between 40 and 50 mph. I made it back just fine except very slowly. The next day I called the honda dealership, and they told me to bring the car in. So I did and they told me that they would have to order a new tire, and that if I wanted to go some place else to get the tire that was fine but to make sure they were trained to deal with the computer inside the tire because its a new system and if they screw it up it will cost us a lot more. The honda place qouted me at 200 dollars. So I called around and found that the honda dealership had the best price and are the only ones that can deal with the computer thingy. So the tire will be here soon and they will call me as soon as it comes in. The whole thing was an experience. I was really pissed off that night but now find it all a little funny. Though I find it dishearting that only one person stopped when I was on the side of the road and he only offered to call someone for me, this is after I had called the wreaker.
That is all for now,
Ta Ta
Friday, January 18, 2008
Ivory Foo and Moo Goo
Hello,
Well first things first I should rant about giving blood. I promised I would.
I gave blood the other day. This is something I do on a regular basis. I actually, normally, enjoy it. I went with a few friends, so we kind of made it an outing. After checking in, and slipping my name into the drawing for a door prise I read the required material. Okay. I didn't. I never do, but really who does? I read it the first time I went and now I just skim for new info and then check to make sure that the medications I am taking don't conflict. Then it is onto waiting to go to get questioned and poked.
I finally get in there. I hate the finger poke.It is normally the worst part. For those of you who don't know, they stick your finger with a pin or something, they really have a device that does it, so that your bleed. They then collect some blood and test your iron levels. Mine are always extremely high, but I guess that is a good thing. They are supposed to wipe off your finger and put a band aid on it for you, but this time I was just handed gauze and a band aid and left alone. I found it rude, but I took care of my bleeding finger by myself, really no big deal.
They lady comes back and then sets me up for the questions. Again, for those of you who don't know there is a series of uncomfortable questions, most of which are pertaining to your and your partner's sexual history and travel. There should be an easy skip question that simply asks if you have ever had sex. Then people could click no or yes. No would skip all of those questions and then there would only be like 4 questions left. Yes would take you into that series of questions. Oh well.
I was then ushered into a waiting chair. None of my friends were out there so I was sitting next to a kindly retired lady, who really enjoyed laughing. She got up and left, and in her place came a very dirty and foul smelling woman. After a little bit they asked who was next and I let that lady go so as not to force my friends to sit next to her.
Then I was seated on a table and my friends were seated on ones very close to me. The nurse who was taking care of myself and a friend asked what arm I would like to give blood out of. This has never really mattered to me so I let her know this. She then said we would do the right arm since the table was already set up like that. I said that sounded good and she started to get things ready. She then poked around on my arm trying to find a vein, this was done with very hard almost bruising pokes for a long time but finally she found one and marked it.
Then it was on with the pressure cuff and I was instructed to squeeze this stress ball. The nurse then, without warning stuck the needle in.
As an aside here I can't watch a needle go into my body. I just can't. It doesn't seem right. I can watch one go into anyone else, including good friends and family members, but not me. Thus I have never actually seen the needle they use to draw blood. MY GOD! that thing is huge!
When I saw this needle coming at me, I did what I would naturally do. This didn't include flinching or moving, this was to exclaim how large the needle was and then watch it slip into my skin without flinching.
This needle being plunged into my skin yielded no blood. Thus she had not, more than likely, hit a vein. This yielded a search for the vein. It was a very painful search. She was digging around and turning the needle. It wasn't pleasant. This was amplified by the fact that the pressure cuff was still on and my hand was going numb. When I told her this she let the pressure out and blood flowed into my hand and not the intended bag. The nurse pumped up the pressure again and continued the search. I admired her dedication, but was pissed that it included digging into my body with a large needle. My hand and wrist went numb and I again told her. This was after about a total 15 min. looking for the vein. While the blood returned the nurse called over the head nurse. The pressure was applied again, and they both searched for a vein. Lets just say I was a little ticked off now.
After about another 5 min, they pronounced it a lost cause. They then asked if I would like to try the other arm and I consented. They quickly found the middle vein and as soon as they stuck my arm blood rushed into the bag. This wouldn't have been a bad thing if I hadn't, two min. into the search asked if they would like to try my other arm. She for some reason refused.
They assured me that my right arm wouldn't bruise, seeing as you need blood for a bruise and I hadn't bleed. I knew this was bull shit because I have been hit a time or two with a tennis ball, and there has been no blood shed, but I did bruise. Later that day my entire inner elbow was a bright purple. I recover very quickly from bruises and now you can hardly see it.
I did win the door praise though. Yes for all that pain I was rewarded with a pretty small tote bag with the words American Red Cross on the side. A very poor trade off indeed.
Anyway, I just finished eating Chinese, watching half an episode of Monk, watching Sweeney Todd, then having Ike drive me back home in my car.
Ike. What a great guy. I think the world of him, and it is much deserved. I miss him when I am at college. It's the random things that bring up his name. He is leaving tomorrow. Strike that, today. It feels like the last of my close friends have gone back and I am left here, alone. It is two days and I am sure I will survive. Many people over this break have asked me why I don't date Ike. This is my response (Golds pay attention): Our relationship isn't like that. The end. If you can't understand that, then think of your best guy friend, and you should understand. I love him, just not in that way.
In an unrelated note: Sweeney Todd. Very disturbing movie. Very well done, with an excellent cast (though I find myself thinking of a lot of the characters as who they played in the Harry Potter series). Not much else to say except that if it wasn't for the singing the whole thing would be a gore fest. Though all the blood was extremely fake, so it wasn't too bad. And the disclaimer in the credits that movie was not based on a true story and any portrayal of real events or people was unintentional does make the whole thing complete.
I was sitting in my car, in the passenger seat, as Ike drove. I had a moment, as they say. It is hard to describe such things but I will try. The street lights stretched ahead and there wasn't another car on the road. It was just me and Ike, driving and talking. It was about midnight when this happened. For some reason it was the lights that got me. They were the same. I am sure that at some point I was driving the same stretch of road at night only I was younger. I am not one for deja vu moments. I have never really felt deja vu or maybe I am just not weirded out by them. So please don't impose your feelings of deja vu into this story. I get a sense of continuity and change all at the same time.
This town hasn't changed. Some may think it have, and those of us who are really returning for the first time like to think that the town was greatly effected by our leaving. It wasn't. It's just as it always is. The senior class graduates, leaves for college and a chance at greatness, and a new senior class is put into place with their own dreams. We are just part of the consistency. This town doesn't change. The politics don't change. We as individuals do, but in the end that really doesn't affect the town, just us and our perceptions.
My brother wanted to leave this town as fast as he could. I can understand that. There is little to do here. I, however, wasn't so ready. I am naturally hesitant. I wasn't ready to leave the world I had always known. Driving down that street felt right. This place hasn't changed. I have, but I still like it here. I have always loved this town, I always will. This is small town America, this is the life that TV shows want to show, but they never capture it. Small towns have clarity.
I butchered that explanation. Sorry.
Ta Ta
Well first things first I should rant about giving blood. I promised I would.
I gave blood the other day. This is something I do on a regular basis. I actually, normally, enjoy it. I went with a few friends, so we kind of made it an outing. After checking in, and slipping my name into the drawing for a door prise I read the required material. Okay. I didn't. I never do, but really who does? I read it the first time I went and now I just skim for new info and then check to make sure that the medications I am taking don't conflict. Then it is onto waiting to go to get questioned and poked.
I finally get in there. I hate the finger poke.It is normally the worst part. For those of you who don't know, they stick your finger with a pin or something, they really have a device that does it, so that your bleed. They then collect some blood and test your iron levels. Mine are always extremely high, but I guess that is a good thing. They are supposed to wipe off your finger and put a band aid on it for you, but this time I was just handed gauze and a band aid and left alone. I found it rude, but I took care of my bleeding finger by myself, really no big deal.
They lady comes back and then sets me up for the questions. Again, for those of you who don't know there is a series of uncomfortable questions, most of which are pertaining to your and your partner's sexual history and travel. There should be an easy skip question that simply asks if you have ever had sex. Then people could click no or yes. No would skip all of those questions and then there would only be like 4 questions left. Yes would take you into that series of questions. Oh well.
I was then ushered into a waiting chair. None of my friends were out there so I was sitting next to a kindly retired lady, who really enjoyed laughing. She got up and left, and in her place came a very dirty and foul smelling woman. After a little bit they asked who was next and I let that lady go so as not to force my friends to sit next to her.
Then I was seated on a table and my friends were seated on ones very close to me. The nurse who was taking care of myself and a friend asked what arm I would like to give blood out of. This has never really mattered to me so I let her know this. She then said we would do the right arm since the table was already set up like that. I said that sounded good and she started to get things ready. She then poked around on my arm trying to find a vein, this was done with very hard almost bruising pokes for a long time but finally she found one and marked it.
Then it was on with the pressure cuff and I was instructed to squeeze this stress ball. The nurse then, without warning stuck the needle in.
As an aside here I can't watch a needle go into my body. I just can't. It doesn't seem right. I can watch one go into anyone else, including good friends and family members, but not me. Thus I have never actually seen the needle they use to draw blood. MY GOD! that thing is huge!
When I saw this needle coming at me, I did what I would naturally do. This didn't include flinching or moving, this was to exclaim how large the needle was and then watch it slip into my skin without flinching.
This needle being plunged into my skin yielded no blood. Thus she had not, more than likely, hit a vein. This yielded a search for the vein. It was a very painful search. She was digging around and turning the needle. It wasn't pleasant. This was amplified by the fact that the pressure cuff was still on and my hand was going numb. When I told her this she let the pressure out and blood flowed into my hand and not the intended bag. The nurse pumped up the pressure again and continued the search. I admired her dedication, but was pissed that it included digging into my body with a large needle. My hand and wrist went numb and I again told her. This was after about a total 15 min. looking for the vein. While the blood returned the nurse called over the head nurse. The pressure was applied again, and they both searched for a vein. Lets just say I was a little ticked off now.
After about another 5 min, they pronounced it a lost cause. They then asked if I would like to try the other arm and I consented. They quickly found the middle vein and as soon as they stuck my arm blood rushed into the bag. This wouldn't have been a bad thing if I hadn't, two min. into the search asked if they would like to try my other arm. She for some reason refused.
They assured me that my right arm wouldn't bruise, seeing as you need blood for a bruise and I hadn't bleed. I knew this was bull shit because I have been hit a time or two with a tennis ball, and there has been no blood shed, but I did bruise. Later that day my entire inner elbow was a bright purple. I recover very quickly from bruises and now you can hardly see it.
I did win the door praise though. Yes for all that pain I was rewarded with a pretty small tote bag with the words American Red Cross on the side. A very poor trade off indeed.
Anyway, I just finished eating Chinese, watching half an episode of Monk, watching Sweeney Todd, then having Ike drive me back home in my car.
Ike. What a great guy. I think the world of him, and it is much deserved. I miss him when I am at college. It's the random things that bring up his name. He is leaving tomorrow. Strike that, today. It feels like the last of my close friends have gone back and I am left here, alone. It is two days and I am sure I will survive. Many people over this break have asked me why I don't date Ike. This is my response (Golds pay attention): Our relationship isn't like that. The end. If you can't understand that, then think of your best guy friend, and you should understand. I love him, just not in that way.
In an unrelated note: Sweeney Todd. Very disturbing movie. Very well done, with an excellent cast (though I find myself thinking of a lot of the characters as who they played in the Harry Potter series). Not much else to say except that if it wasn't for the singing the whole thing would be a gore fest. Though all the blood was extremely fake, so it wasn't too bad. And the disclaimer in the credits that movie was not based on a true story and any portrayal of real events or people was unintentional does make the whole thing complete.
I was sitting in my car, in the passenger seat, as Ike drove. I had a moment, as they say. It is hard to describe such things but I will try. The street lights stretched ahead and there wasn't another car on the road. It was just me and Ike, driving and talking. It was about midnight when this happened. For some reason it was the lights that got me. They were the same. I am sure that at some point I was driving the same stretch of road at night only I was younger. I am not one for deja vu moments. I have never really felt deja vu or maybe I am just not weirded out by them. So please don't impose your feelings of deja vu into this story. I get a sense of continuity and change all at the same time.
This town hasn't changed. Some may think it have, and those of us who are really returning for the first time like to think that the town was greatly effected by our leaving. It wasn't. It's just as it always is. The senior class graduates, leaves for college and a chance at greatness, and a new senior class is put into place with their own dreams. We are just part of the consistency. This town doesn't change. The politics don't change. We as individuals do, but in the end that really doesn't affect the town, just us and our perceptions.
My brother wanted to leave this town as fast as he could. I can understand that. There is little to do here. I, however, wasn't so ready. I am naturally hesitant. I wasn't ready to leave the world I had always known. Driving down that street felt right. This place hasn't changed. I have, but I still like it here. I have always loved this town, I always will. This is small town America, this is the life that TV shows want to show, but they never capture it. Small towns have clarity.
I butchered that explanation. Sorry.
Ta Ta
Thursday, January 3, 2008
Hi ,
I am thinking right now. Really I am thinking about a lot of things. It's midnight and I am simply sitting on my bed thinking. Sometimes I just have to write (or type) to get my ideas organized. So who knows if I will ever post this.
I had a weird day. I did a surprising amount of stuff for a vacation day for me. I got up and got ready and went to the elementary school that I used to help out at. I visited with the teacher that I helped for a bit. That was strange, but over all nice. Got me to thinking that I need to call my old guidance counselor and see if she would like to go to lunch.
I then went home and Cari came over. My head is so random and incomplete around her, but some how I still feel at ease completely around her. We cooked some food and talked. Then we watched a really long movie that I knew she wouldn't like, but has awesome cinematography and is a movie that pretty much everyone should see at least once. It is better your second time through.
Then it was off to decathlon practice, where I helped them out with studying B cells and T cells. Some war analogies later and two phone calls from sir Ike, I was on my way back home. It was nice being with the team, even though I don't know most of them now. Still the atmosphere there is amazing and makes me feel at home because at some points it was the only thing that was regular and structured without being confining.
Then home where I was joined by Ike. I showed him a book and we both fiddled around on our computers, along with talking. Then the two of us went to eat some Chinese. I love riding with Ike. He has great music and videos, plus I feel completely safe with him. Then home again where he did some hacking and I fiddled around on the computer, and then made hot chocolate when he was getting upset. Then forced him to watch a youtube video that he needed to see.
I then ditched him for a movie with Cari. I really just left him sitting in my room while I drove away. Great movie though. I really enjoyed it. That and having the whole movie theater to ourselves was great. We talked and laughed and watched the movie. I miss Cari too much when I am away at school. I forget what it means to have a person who gets you so completely, who can laugh at you and no part of you is offended, who knows all of your flaws and loves you anyway, who knows all of your secrets and all of your past and still doesn't judge you. I'm not sure if she always wants to be my best friend but the fact is I love her, no p.s.
For some reason that helped. Just to write what I did helped. Maybe it is the structure of it all. I am still feeling a little like I did before, and that is defeated. I don't always know what I want, and that really hits me when I spend the day with people who really know me. I was doing such a great job of faking it. One day I will know and follow through and be happy. That is all I want. Is that possible?
Ta Ta
I am thinking right now. Really I am thinking about a lot of things. It's midnight and I am simply sitting on my bed thinking. Sometimes I just have to write (or type) to get my ideas organized. So who knows if I will ever post this.
I had a weird day. I did a surprising amount of stuff for a vacation day for me. I got up and got ready and went to the elementary school that I used to help out at. I visited with the teacher that I helped for a bit. That was strange, but over all nice. Got me to thinking that I need to call my old guidance counselor and see if she would like to go to lunch.
I then went home and Cari came over. My head is so random and incomplete around her, but some how I still feel at ease completely around her. We cooked some food and talked. Then we watched a really long movie that I knew she wouldn't like, but has awesome cinematography and is a movie that pretty much everyone should see at least once. It is better your second time through.
Then it was off to decathlon practice, where I helped them out with studying B cells and T cells. Some war analogies later and two phone calls from sir Ike, I was on my way back home. It was nice being with the team, even though I don't know most of them now. Still the atmosphere there is amazing and makes me feel at home because at some points it was the only thing that was regular and structured without being confining.
Then home where I was joined by Ike. I showed him a book and we both fiddled around on our computers, along with talking. Then the two of us went to eat some Chinese. I love riding with Ike. He has great music and videos, plus I feel completely safe with him. Then home again where he did some hacking and I fiddled around on the computer, and then made hot chocolate when he was getting upset. Then forced him to watch a youtube video that he needed to see.
I then ditched him for a movie with Cari. I really just left him sitting in my room while I drove away. Great movie though. I really enjoyed it. That and having the whole movie theater to ourselves was great. We talked and laughed and watched the movie. I miss Cari too much when I am away at school. I forget what it means to have a person who gets you so completely, who can laugh at you and no part of you is offended, who knows all of your flaws and loves you anyway, who knows all of your secrets and all of your past and still doesn't judge you. I'm not sure if she always wants to be my best friend but the fact is I love her, no p.s.
For some reason that helped. Just to write what I did helped. Maybe it is the structure of it all. I am still feeling a little like I did before, and that is defeated. I don't always know what I want, and that really hits me when I spend the day with people who really know me. I was doing such a great job of faking it. One day I will know and follow through and be happy. That is all I want. Is that possible?
Ta Ta
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)